Skip to main content

Mother's Lament



My arms
hunger to hold
the you that was
tiny, precious, new
skin to skin
changings
feedings
mouth to breast
heart to head
tiny fist curled
around my finger
nights spent
listening
inhale exhale
sweet breath of life
in and out
out and in
miraculous

I your universe
you mine
butterfly kisses
midnight cuddles
unconditional
forever
and beyond

My arms hunger
to hold
the you that was
yesterday
diaper changes
lotions
belly kisses
giggles

today
college
boys
fists that once
curled around
now open
outward
reaching
going
leaving

My heart hungers
to hold
the you that was
eyes struggle
to see
tousled blond curls
is it ok mommy
can I mommy
look mommy

Goodbye mommy

Oh how my arms
my arms
my heart
they hunger
they hurt

~Pamela 10/20/06

Comments

  1. what is there to say, but : Well said.
    My youngest is only three, and already I can sometimes feel my arms just hanging at my sides....

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wrote that with tears running down my face and my heart so full it simply poured out of me and onto the page.

    Hold on tight Joyce...it's gone so quickly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, Pamela, that is just one of the most beautiful, simple, loving things my heart has ever heard.

    It's the most important and meaningful thing I've read today.

    Thanks so much.

    ReplyDelete
  4. sniff - that is so lovely - sniff, my baby has been away a month at college and it made me howl.

    Just catching up with your other posts - I do hope that your luck changes anytime soon now - I am thinking of you and your family, daughter, sister, father et al xxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. HUGS -- I am dreading that day!

    ReplyDelete
  6. maybe now it will post. i left one earlier telling you this was beautiful but i don't see it here. maybe this one will show. i know it took something breaking in you to write it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Pammy, that was beautiful! I often miss my two babies that way. But I have to say that the trade-off, watching them grow into young men that can sneak up behind me and pick me up off the floor is also a great feeling! Thank you for posting that, I love it!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anna...you're right. It did take something breaking inside me to write that....

    Carmy, I know. It gets better. It's just...you know.

    Ziggi, I'm sorry I made you cry. Blink, and they're gone. :;sigh::

    WW, your words touched me. Thank you.

    Sketchy, hang on to your babies and treasure every second.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Go ahead....tell me the truth :)

Popular posts from this blog

A Poem to an Abusive Man

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror.

Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me.

Thank You

You wooed me with poetry
I bit on the hook
Had I only first read
The name of the book

I would have avoided
The very first page
For pages kept turning
Revealing the rage

The ups were a great high
The ride was a bash
But I rode with my eyes closed
To avoid seeing the crash
I knew it would come soon
But I never knew when
The rage and the leaving
And the path to the end

You had to control things
Determined you would
Emotionally destroying me
Every way that you could

I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always...

I rely on the kindness of strangers...

Or not so much strangers as readers of my miserable blog.

I received a beautiful card in the mail from my long-tine reader (perhaps my ONLY reader) that lifted my heart. Thank you, G. Parkes. It was kind of you to think of me. Seriously---you are so sweet. Thank you.

Perhaps we can meet in person one day. I'll be in Utah after Conference. We'll see how it goes.

I've been caring for my autistic grandson since July. It seems longer sometimes---and that's not a complaint. I adore this little man. He holds my heart. He fills my arms and my heart in the way that my own small babies used to do. When mine reached the age where they didn't want to be in my arms any longer, I felt their absence. Their absence from my arms was heavier than actually having them in my arms. It was an ache that is difficult to describe, a phantom pain where something once was but now is no longer.

Before my husband and I went to the cabin th…

I'm Sick. And the election isn't helping.

I spoke too soon about feeling better. My grandson was delightful enough to share his virus with me, so I've spent the past five days losing everything from both ends. It hasn't been pretty.

As a weight loss program though...

At least one end of me has stopped spewing. Now I wait for the other end to stop pretending to be filled with hot lava and erupting without much notice. Sorry, this is what is called over-sharing. Apparently I'm very good at it. You're welcome.

Last night I walked around the block with hubby and our adorable puppy. It was the first time I've been out of the house in five days. It was lovely, even though I was very shaky. Today I actually tried to accomplish something. I sat at my jewelry table, moved my seaglass around. Picked up pieces and played them through my hands. Such beautfy that came from something considered useless garbage and tossed away. I love my sea glass. It gives me the happies.

I also had a severe case of J…