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My Near Death Experience

It began when our computer wouldn't connect to the Internet. You'd have thought that I, personally, had reinstated the Spanish Inquisition (no one expects the Spanish Inquisition!!) and was torturing my very own children.

I swear it wasn't my fault. I still don't know why it won't work.

Husband: "Did you pay the Internet bill?"
Me: "Yes"
Husband: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes, as our cable and Internet are on the same bill and our cable is still
working, right?"
Husband: "Hmm. Did you unhook anything?"
Me: "Now why would I unhook anything?"

It was then that my teenagers wanted to know what I'd done to the computer. Why is it that everything is my fault even when it isn't my fault? I mean really.

It was kind of nice after the second day. We began communicating with each other more. My daughter text messaged me more than she usually does. If that's not a sign of family togetherness, I don't know what is. Of course my son just grunted at me as he walked by as he usually did, so no significant changes there. My two youngest couldn't get on their favorite websites and were forced to spend more time with their parental units as well. Allison baked her first cake all on her own and the rest of them joined in to consume said cake.

All in all, not a bad thing. Perhaps I shouldn't tell them we have access again.


  1. Bring out . . . . . the comfy pillows!

  2. OK, this must have been a rough week for me - it's nothing but one liners.

    Hey Torquemada, whadya say?
    I just got back from the auto de fe.
    Auto de fe, what's the auto de fe?
    It's something that you shouldn't but you do anyway.

  3. Yes Pamela, you are so right. My wife sits and watches the telly while I surf through cyberspace. I never phone my kids and the only friends I have I never meet because they are all in my imagination.
    My humour has degenerated into filth because I know no-one that I share it with will ever find out who I am.
    Oh for those far-off days when the community came together and made polite conversation, and I spent time talking to the missus. No Bollocks, I prefer this!

  4. 'Not the comfy chair!!"

    Tom, I understand where you're coming from. This medium of communication has a modicum of anonymity that frees you from the usual constraints of personal interaction. Having said that, there are ways we can track you down.

    I'm just saying.

  5. Pamela, there are ways you can track him down, but I doubt whether anyone would benefit.

  6. Pam,

    I've got a friend in the NSA . . . . .

  7. Pamela, until further notice you get only the inhibited version of me. I'm just wondering if you can track me down - what if I innocently stirred up some bunny boiler (not you of course) who sought me out and proceeded to turn my whole life into total chaos (as opposed to partial chaos as it is now). Now I'm really freaking out.

  8. NSA? Hmm. He might come in handy.

    Tom, I'm partial to going full throttle on the chaos. Why do something half way? So, what's your phone number again? ::evil grin::

    Vicus, would it be better if I were to hunt you down instead?

  9. Pamela, I'm pretty certain you would prefer Vicus to me. His phone no. is 0441469 221345.

  10. Phew, that was close!

  11. It's closer than you think Tom. You're not out of the woods just yet.

    Since I don't know either of you very well, perhaps we could hold some sort of contest to see which one of you would be more fun to stalk in all my spare time.

    Oh, and Vicus, answer the phone.

  12. Pamela, no need to hold a competition. Vicus is the one for you. You will like everything about him. And in terms of your career it could well be the best move you ever make. Being by his side would surely change your life forever.
    I'm praying for you baby!

  13. Tom, if I didn't know better I'd say you were trying to dump me. Are you? Oh, and do you have any cute little pet bunny rabbits about?

  14. Pamela, it's not that I'm trying to dump you, it's just that I feel I need my own space. Perhaps I'll feel differently if I can shake off all these other hot women that are always hassling me - I can only be in any one place at any one time you know. I mean imagine how I feel. God you're all so demanding.

  15. Tom, I'm sure you are the object of desire for a multitude of women. Having said that, you and I both know who deserves your attention.

  16. Oh God, I thought I'd got out of this and now I've got right back into it. Where's bloody Vicus when you need him.

  17. Vicus can't help you now, Tom.

  18. Pamela, OK, I didn't want to tell you this but you've backed me into a very tight corner. I've got hairy ears, seriously hairy, and I don't trim them.

  19. Hmmmm. You know what they say about men with very hairy ears, don't you?

    You big tease you!


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