Skip to main content

Dentists, Cleanings, and More Bad News...





I've got an appointment with a dental chair and some very sharp pointy metal things this morning. I'm not looking forward to this experience because I have a healthy fear of all things painful. This activity ranks very high on my Pain Meter. I mentioned to the Dentist that I would like to have nitrous oxide while having my teeth cleaned. He blinked. Then blinked again.

"But cleanings aren't painful, just uncomfortable at times" he said.
"I'm sorry, but I subscribe to Medical Terminology for Dummies and the other great tome, "How To Understand Your Doctor's Secret Code" So I know for a fact that when you say something may be uncomfortable, or you may feel a little discomfort, or my all time favorite, 'this might pinch a little', I'm aware of the fact that in the next couple of seconds I'll be trying to leap from my chair to smack you repeatedly about the head and shoulders with your own dental drills."

His eyes went wide and he apparently lost the ability to communicate in a manner in which others could understand him. There were some hemmings and hawwings and his eyebrows were raised up over his eyes.

I've been there. I know what goes on. This is why I haven't been there since I lost my last baby tooth. My Pain Avoidance System is in full operational order. Today, though, I am letting my guard down and allowing strangers to probe and poke me in places that I feel should generally remain unprobed and unpoked. I can just see the expression in the dental hygienist's eyes. After the initial pricking and poking, the Dental Inquisition will begin.

"Uh, Pam? I read on the information page you filled out that you brush once every week, unless the day has a 'y' in it. Is that correct?"

"es, I'm very superstitious about things with the letter 'y' in them. You can never be too careful'

"Uh huh. I see. When you do your weekly brushing, do you use a toothbrush?"

"Es"

"Do you use toothpaste or mouthwash?"

"Well of course I do, I'm not entirely daft"

At this point I will see the hygienist's eyes above her mask go blinky-blinky and her pupils will dilate to the point that her eyes will appear black. This is a warning sign to watch for, noted on page 3 of the Dental Patient's Guide For Self-Preservation. I've highlighted the paragraph that talks about changes in eye coloring and how to interpret facial expressions hidden under mouth masks.

It's a good thing I've got my tinfoil hat ready to go this morning. I'll wear it there so those brightly dressed dental demons won't be able to read my thoughts as they take their implements of torture and grate them across the enamel surfaces of my poor teeth.

After they finish their torture of my mouth, I'll spend the rest of the day running my tongue over my teeth and being overly aware that I have gums. No one should be aware of their gums. It's like being able to feel the size and shape of your appendix. This is always a bad sign.

And this is why I will have the laughing gas during my appointment with pain. I'm also going to suggest that the dentist add a little something to his treasure chest. You know, the box that the children get to pick prizes from after their time in purgatory has ended. He needs one for the adults as well. This one will contain little canisters of laughing gas you can take home with you. Make mine a double.

Comments

  1. Duckgirl12:18 PM

    Oh Pammy, I feel for you! I hate going there too! But I had to LOL @ your descriptions of their facial expressions you expect!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Big Mur12:18 PM

    Heh...I had the daughter at an appointment this morning, with mione scheduled for tomorrow...of course, they snuck me in while I was waiting...yoiks !

    ReplyDelete
  3. I had to cancel my appointment with pain this morning. I couldn't get into my vehicle. Dang back. That's what I get for doing too much yesterday when I was supposed to be taking it easy. Grrrrrr.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Go ahead....tell me the truth :)

Popular posts from this blog

A Poem to an Abusive Man

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror.

Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me.

Thank You

You wooed me with poetry
I bit on the hook
Had I only first read
The name of the book

I would have avoided
The very first page
For pages kept turning
Revealing the rage

The ups were a great high
The ride was a bash
But I rode with my eyes closed
To avoid seeing the crash
I knew it would come soon
But I never knew when
The rage and the leaving
And the path to the end

You had to control things
Determined you would
Emotionally destroying me
Every way that you could

I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always...

I rely on the kindness of strangers...

Or not so much strangers as readers of my miserable blog.

I received a beautiful card in the mail from my long-tine reader (perhaps my ONLY reader) that lifted my heart. Thank you, G. Parkes. It was kind of you to think of me. Seriously---you are so sweet. Thank you.

Perhaps we can meet in person one day. I'll be in Utah after Conference. We'll see how it goes.

I've been caring for my autistic grandson since July. It seems longer sometimes---and that's not a complaint. I adore this little man. He holds my heart. He fills my arms and my heart in the way that my own small babies used to do. When mine reached the age where they didn't want to be in my arms any longer, I felt their absence. Their absence from my arms was heavier than actually having them in my arms. It was an ache that is difficult to describe, a phantom pain where something once was but now is no longer.

Before my husband and I went to the cabin th…

I'm Sick. And the election isn't helping.

I spoke too soon about feeling better. My grandson was delightful enough to share his virus with me, so I've spent the past five days losing everything from both ends. It hasn't been pretty.

As a weight loss program though...

At least one end of me has stopped spewing. Now I wait for the other end to stop pretending to be filled with hot lava and erupting without much notice. Sorry, this is what is called over-sharing. Apparently I'm very good at it. You're welcome.

Last night I walked around the block with hubby and our adorable puppy. It was the first time I've been out of the house in five days. It was lovely, even though I was very shaky. Today I actually tried to accomplish something. I sat at my jewelry table, moved my seaglass around. Picked up pieces and played them through my hands. Such beautfy that came from something considered useless garbage and tossed away. I love my sea glass. It gives me the happies.

I also had a severe case of J…