No, they don't involve sacrificing virgins to Mt. Rainier, nor biting heads off of tiny reptiles. It's my annual DEATH TO SOCKS DAY.
Not all socks, mind you. Simply the ones that have tormented me during the course of the past year by never, ever finding a mate. They are mateless. Mismatched. Alone. Single. And it's true, one is the lonliest number. It's also the number that gets you tossed into the trash.
I don't know about you, but socks are the bane of my existence. I have had, at times over the years, boxes of mismatched socks, baskets of them, runaway socks hidden under my bed, stuck inside bedsheets. At one point I have about twenty PINK socks, in all shades of pink, in all sizes and not one of them matched. This is when I went for better living through pharmaceuticals. It's helped with that whole eye tic thing, but I've still got other physical manifestations of a nervous condition that I won't go into here on this blog.
Today was the day that this entire pile....
Was tossed into the garbage here.
This is an example of just why this must be done. For my sanity. For the children. For puppies and kittens and butterflies. So I don't go postal or start wearing my bathrobe in public and neglecting my personal hygiene.
See these two socks?
I got that little thrill of victory when I discovered them. Two socks with purple bands around them! A match! Surely, for all that's holy, a real match!!
But no. As you can see, they are different sizes. I do not even recall ever buying these socks, much less shrinking one.
So, with my New Year's Ritual out of the way, I can proceed to the next ritual.
Buying more socks. ::sigh::
Not all socks, mind you. Simply the ones that have tormented me during the course of the past year by never, ever finding a mate. They are mateless. Mismatched. Alone. Single. And it's true, one is the lonliest number. It's also the number that gets you tossed into the trash.
I don't know about you, but socks are the bane of my existence. I have had, at times over the years, boxes of mismatched socks, baskets of them, runaway socks hidden under my bed, stuck inside bedsheets. At one point I have about twenty PINK socks, in all shades of pink, in all sizes and not one of them matched. This is when I went for better living through pharmaceuticals. It's helped with that whole eye tic thing, but I've still got other physical manifestations of a nervous condition that I won't go into here on this blog.
Today was the day that this entire pile....
Was tossed into the garbage here.
This is an example of just why this must be done. For my sanity. For the children. For puppies and kittens and butterflies. So I don't go postal or start wearing my bathrobe in public and neglecting my personal hygiene.
See these two socks?
I got that little thrill of victory when I discovered them. Two socks with purple bands around them! A match! Surely, for all that's holy, a real match!!
But no. As you can see, they are different sizes. I do not even recall ever buying these socks, much less shrinking one.
So, with my New Year's Ritual out of the way, I can proceed to the next ritual.
Buying more socks. ::sigh::
Omg that is a great post. I think we've all been there. :) I have a pile of black socks and not one of them matches. Not one. All different shades of black. I'm glad I'm not the only one.....
ReplyDeleteIt socks to be you, eh?
ReplyDeleteThink you've got sock problems? Read this:
ReplyDeletehttp://singlemanwriting.blogspot.com/2005/12/single-man-dating.html
Enthral, welcome to Sock Hell! And my blog as well.
ReplyDeleteFronty ~~groan. Yes, at times it does. Especially this evening when my teenager complimented me on our home by saying she can't bring her friends here because it's embarrassing. I think I should find her a nice doublewide to live in for a while, instead of the brand-spankin' new house she's got now, with her very own walk in closet. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Paul, yes I consider you a new friend. A wonderfully erudite, witty and well traveled friend. Since I'm at home in the parenting trenches, I intend to live vicariously through your travels and writings. So hit the road, Waterboy!
Paul~ loved the story about your date and the Suddenly Sock Appearance!! Good thing your date was so nice. I once wore a sock on the back of my wrap around skirt in public.
ReplyDeleteSee what I mean? Socks are evil.
You could make a play on words by using socks and sex, but I am not sufficiently sharp witted. And I have better taste.
ReplyDeletevicus, I applaud your self control. No, I do. It is much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI like your tradition! Mine got dumped prior to the big move 2005...but I'm developing another collection. With us it's black socks that appear to disappear...
ReplyDeleteDo you people wear those things?
ReplyDeleteBare feet and sandals here
Yes, unfortunately we do. I'd much prefer to go barefoot. Today I had to wear socks and tennis shoes to the gym, then switch to flip flops once in the pool area. It was raining and windy and cold outside, hence the wearing of the socks and shoes.
ReplyDeleteConsider yourself lukcy, Whitesnake!