Skip to main content

Thursday

All day I thought it was Friday. Not quite sure why. Daycare Mommy came back from her California jaunt so I spent the day in Steilacoom with five kids. The fun never ends.

Did I mention that number one son has started Drivers Ed? Someone shoot me.

Today on the way home, the girls did what they always do. I told them I wanted the airconditioning on, but they prefer to open the windows and let the wind blow through their hair. Ashley stuck her head out the window. Here she is...

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Tomorrow is hubby's birthday. He's turnng a whopping 43. He doesn't know it but I've got a massage therapist coming over for him tomorrow night. He's going to love it.

Update: My heart hurts tonight. It's just heavy.... Earlier I showed the kids all the rear window pictures and Ashley saw hers here and was upset. I asked her what was wrong.
"You can see righty in that picture" she frowned


Righty is what she calls her right hand. The one damaged by her stroke.

I comforted her, snuggled her, as we were on my bed and I held up righty and kissed it. I asked her why that was a problem. She said she hated people staring at her, looking at it.

"I hate it!"


I kissed righty again and told her she should never ever be ashamed of any part of her body. That she was just perfect, that she's beautiful and she's smart and best of all, she's got a gentle and a kind heart that knows her Heavenly Father.

So we continued to hold onto each other and I smoothed her curly blond hair back from her face and I tried to pour my love out onto her through our closeness, through our touch. There's something beyond precious...beyond words that passes between a mother and her child. I don't have the capacity to fully express how I feel about this child of mine. I wish I could take her pain. I'd take her damaged right side and give her my healthy right side in a heartbeat if that were allowed.

It's not. I know she has to learn and to grow and her challenges are what will make her the person she is supposed to become.

It just hurts my heart sometimes...

Comments

  1. Tell Ashley I love righty too. Right on Pammy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's hard to tell a child, without taking away her childhood and her innocence, that quite frankly, she's here...that the words: I'm here....those words are pretty powerful and beautiful...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your response to her was the perfect example of mother's love.

    My husband suffered a major burn at age four. There is major scarring on over half his face and down his neck, shoulder and back. I can't imagine the emotional pain a child suffers after trauma like that, but I know today at age 36, he's a strong, confident man.

    In time, she will understand.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Pammy,

    You are a great mom and I know exactly what you mean by that feeling that goes between a mother and her child. You can also tell Ashley that no one in this world is perfect except for the perfection in being ourselves. We all have something, we all have crosses to bear. And she has a wonderful family who cares for her. That is a wonderful thing.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bless you both, and righty too xx

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Go ahead....tell me the truth :)

Popular posts from this blog

A Poem to an Abusive Man

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror.

Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me.

Thank You

You wooed me with poetry
I bit on the hook
Had I only first read
The name of the book

I would have avoided
The very first page
For pages kept turning
Revealing the rage

The ups were a great high
The ride was a bash
But I rode with my eyes closed
To avoid seeing the crash
I knew it would come soon
But I never knew when
The rage and the leaving
And the path to the end

You had to control things
Determined you would
Emotionally destroying me
Every way that you could

I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always...

I rely on the kindness of strangers...

Or not so much strangers as readers of my miserable blog.

I received a beautiful card in the mail from my long-tine reader (perhaps my ONLY reader) that lifted my heart. Thank you, G. Parkes. It was kind of you to think of me. Seriously---you are so sweet. Thank you.

Perhaps we can meet in person one day. I'll be in Utah after Conference. We'll see how it goes.

I've been caring for my autistic grandson since July. It seems longer sometimes---and that's not a complaint. I adore this little man. He holds my heart. He fills my arms and my heart in the way that my own small babies used to do. When mine reached the age where they didn't want to be in my arms any longer, I felt their absence. Their absence from my arms was heavier than actually having them in my arms. It was an ache that is difficult to describe, a phantom pain where something once was but now is no longer.

Before my husband and I went to the cabin th…

I'm Sick. And the election isn't helping.

I spoke too soon about feeling better. My grandson was delightful enough to share his virus with me, so I've spent the past five days losing everything from both ends. It hasn't been pretty.

As a weight loss program though...

At least one end of me has stopped spewing. Now I wait for the other end to stop pretending to be filled with hot lava and erupting without much notice. Sorry, this is what is called over-sharing. Apparently I'm very good at it. You're welcome.

Last night I walked around the block with hubby and our adorable puppy. It was the first time I've been out of the house in five days. It was lovely, even though I was very shaky. Today I actually tried to accomplish something. I sat at my jewelry table, moved my seaglass around. Picked up pieces and played them through my hands. Such beautfy that came from something considered useless garbage and tossed away. I love my sea glass. It gives me the happies.

I also had a severe case of J…