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I Blame Bush

Today we're going to discuss Bush and the signs signaling that he's the anti-Christ, why he messed up the Seattle monorail deal, how he doesn't care about black people and what he was doing on that grassy knoll. But first lets talk about something more important: the death wish my son has.

He's going to be fifteen in April. That's the plan, but I fear he has other ideas, at least subconsciously. He's a skateboarder. This means he jumps onto a thin piece of wood that is attached to four wheels and then he races at breakneck (and I do mean BREAK NECK) speeds down streets, ramps, stairs and stair railings. That last thing is called grinding, by the way. I think it has something to do with what happens to your private parts when you hit it the wrong way.

There are numerous skate parks around the Seattle area, both outdoor and indoor. Since we've been on our 25th straight day of continuous rain, the indoor places have been getting quite a lot of my hard earned money via my son. This kid will do anything to go skateboarding at the Skatebarn in Renton. This requires a lengthy trip there and back, plus money to get in, not to mention the ER and dentistry charges that are needed after a session of skating.

I drove through the pouring rain the other evening, risking life, limb and higher car insurance costs to drive my son and his equally long haired insane friends to the skatebarn where they were going to spend the next three hours risking life, limb and my sanity racing around.

I dropped them off with the usual admonitions to be careful and then drove back home through the monsoon. As I neared home my cell phone rang.

Me: “Hello?”

Son: “Mom?”

Me: “Chris?”

Son: “Mom, I think I need stitches”

Me: “Now what did you do?”

Son: “My skateboard flipped up and hit me in the mouth”

Me: “I'm coming to get you”

Son: “No! I'm fine!”

Me: “You just said you need stitches! That's not fine!”

Son: “Mom, I'm all right, geez!”

Me: “Chris, I can come get you, are you sure you're all right?”

Son: “Yeah, it just hurts a lot and my teeth are really loose”


These are permanent teeth he is referring to here. Since he's already missing one permanent front tooth, I was hoping he wasn't serious, but I should have known better. Of course he was serious. His skateboard had smacked him in the face, under his lower lip, causing his bottom front teeth to come loose from their moorings, also giving him a slice that bled a great deal and probably could have used a stitch or two. His pals gathered around him and gave him high fives.

He finished the skating session with a bloody mouth and loose teeth and managed to garner several more badges of honor (bleeding wounds on his body) during that time period. He has no sense of self-preservation and it's highly doubtful he'll make it to his birthday in April.

I blame Bush.

Comments

  1. I've seriously enjoyed reading your blog. Not many make me laugh out loud but yours has lots. It's going in my links as a result which means you can expect oh, at least one extra read a year as a result.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm telling ya take out a big life insurance policy on him. That way when he goes to that skate park in the sky you're compensated for all the ER visits.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I should, however the insurance companies might take one look at hime and just know that he's not going to make it to the age of twenty.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Pamela,

    About the bubble wrap: legality and safety are overrated these days. Just go for it. And if bubble wrap doesn't work, think, shrink wrap, or, maybe just a good shrink—for you that is—your son sounds like a neat kid.

    Your pal,
    Horace J. Digby
    hjdigby@lexingtonfilm.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. He is a great kid, really. Just very accident prone.

    ReplyDelete

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