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Near Death Experiences

We've all had them. Perhaps you've been in a plane that experienced severe turbulence and you were bounced around so hard you hit your head on the ceiling of the plane. Maybe you chipped a nail while opening a door or the wind mussed your hair after you'd just spent hours getting it just so. Coming this close to death is no laughing matter.

I had just such an experience today.

We took the girls here.

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We let the girls ride their bikes and we walked. Normally this is not a problem, but I'd left home not really intending to walk. I hadn't had time to grab socks so all I had on were tennis shoes (trainers to you across the pond). We walked and we walked. We walked a little further. Then my husband had a brilliant idea.

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"Sweetheart, how about I walk aaaallllll the way back to the suburban and then drive it up ahead to the next trail head and I'll pick you all up so you don't have to walk aaaaaallllll the way back"

On the surface this was a kind and chivalrous thing to offer me. My right shoe was already well on it's way to rubbing my little toe into oblivion and this did seem like the perfect solution. After all I wouldn't have to walk that far.

Bare with me, this is where part of the near death experience kicks in. I walked and I walked. The girls rode and rode then they came back to me, then rode on again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Bicyclists passed me again and again. One group stopped and I heard one of them say to the other that it was three more miles to the next stop.

I began to see a bright white light and thought it might be a good time to hobble walk into it. See the light?

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Oh look. A river. this is not the same river we started walking along. I believe that we have now crossed three rivers and two mountain ranges. Perhaps I could drown myself in it.

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At this point there are vultures circling overhead because they understand that I might soon provide them with a feast of such magnitude they won't have to eat for a year. Maybe three.

I keep watch through the trees to see if I can spot the suburban. About a mile back Ally said she thought she saw Daddy driving in the other direction. Oh good. Perhaps he's going to pick us up via Canada. I keep stumbling along. I wonder if I lay down on the path if someone would stop and check me for a pulse.

Finally I see Ally riding her bike back towards me. "MOOOOM!!! Dad is up ahead!"

Up ahead meant he was nearly another mile away, but I thought I could make it. I'm sure that I left my little toe somewhere around milepost five.

I'm sure it's not the treat the vultures were hoping for, but I believe in giving back to nature.

When we got home I poured hydrogen peroxide over my mangled toes. I nearly passed out from the pain. For some reason this caused my husband to laugh and tell me to do it again.

To his credit, he did help me bandage it up with some antibiotic cream, although he wouldn't kiss it better like I asked him to.

Comments

  1. Yeah Right! Kiss it better?
    Ya woose!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your husband sounds a lot like mine. He used to delight in pouring hydrogen peroxide on all our cuts and abrasions. Furthermore... if he sees a bruise he likes to poke his finger on it really hard and ask "What's this? What is this?."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous4:30 PM

    I had a near death experience, yoo...I saw Debbie in a new pair of jeans and said," Are you putting on weight?"

    I'll be out of intensive care soon.

    ReplyDelete

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