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That's Not Funny

Pamela's Column for Pacific Publishing

Men, and I don't mean just any males, should not be taken out in public on a trip to purchase undergarments with their wives. Bad things will happen. Ok, maybe not bad things, but things you don’t want happening. Unfunny things.

I went bra shopping today and I took my husband with me. Generally this isn't something I do. Bringing the husband along when I look for lacey unmentionables isn't high on his list of fun activities. He wanted to know why I needed a new bra. I pulled my shirt up and showed him my bra.

"You see how the lace in the middle has runs in it?"
"Oh yeah.....wow, how old is it?”
"I bought it last week”
“You did?!”
“No, I didn’t. I’m hard on a bra but not that hard”
“What happens if the lace gives way?” he said with a salacious look in his eyes.
"If this baby blows, someone could lose an eye"
"It would be like two airbags going off at the same time!"

At this point he's laughing his butt off and I'm trying to stifle a giggle.

"Hey! That's mean!"
"Just think about it, though."
"No thanks.."
“The loss of life would be staggering!”
“That’s not funny.”

Into the store we went and I picked out a bra and several shirts and skirts. When I went into the changing room, I picked the dressing room closest to the door because I wanted to come out and show him how things looked. Normally I don’t choose that dressing room; I go to last room just because it seems safer somehow. Turns out I was right.

Quickly stripping off my shirt and bra, I reached for my bra-to-be.

“Wooo Hooo!!” I heard my husband say from outside the dressing rooms.
“What?”
“Peek-a-boo!”
“OHMYGOSH!! Can you see me???”

He could. I covered myself up and glared at him over the top of the door.

“How can you see me?”
“Those mirrors are set at 90 degree angles from each other and looking into one you can see the reflection through the other. Plus I’m tall and I can see over the door.”
“Argh!” Go away!”
“Hey, it’s not like I haven’t seen it before.”

Ok, he had me there. I’m sure at some point in our twenty years together he’s seen more of me than I have. He’s seen my uterus as it was pulled out of my body after a brutal c-section. Yep, he’s seen it all.

I told him to go away again and he went off to find the restroom.

Another woman came into the dressing rooms.

“Where did that guy go?”
“The tall blond guy?”
“Yeah, is he in here? Hellooooo?”
“That’s my husband and he went to the bathroom.”
“Oh good, I thought he was in here changing. I thought he was a cross dresser or something.”

I laughed then told her she’d just made my day and I couldn’t wait to break the news to my better-half that he gave the impression of being a cross dresser. A tall, peeping Tom kind of cross dresser.

“Oh, please don’t tell him that!”
“I have to!”
“Ok, but wait until you get outside, ok? I don’t want him knowing I said that.”

So I waited, but just barely.

In a sing-song voice I informed him that people thought he was a cross-dresser.

“People? What people?”
“The lady in the dressing room with me.”
“That’s hardly ‘people’. That’s one person and why would she think I was a cross-dresser?”
“She saw you go down the hall to the dressing rooms and you didn’t come out. She thought you were there in there dressing.”
“No, I was just enjoying the show”
“That’s not funny!”
“You keep saying that a lot today.”

Comments

  1. We have names for men who go shopping with their wives. On balance, they are not nice names.
    Please tell him that we are organising a rescue party, but it may be too late.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sorry Pam, but that is pretty funny. LOL Adventures in Bra shopping. I think I'll make sure to choose a back dressing room from now on.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've been sent to buy bras for my mother-in-law before. Half a dozen at a time. Bizarrely, for export back to their country of origin now I come to think of it. How odd.

    Oh, and we could see you from here, btw.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Vicus, I'm sure he'd welcome a rescue. Please get here asap.

    Sketchy, yes! I think ALL women should be made aware that the first dressing room should be avoided at all costs.

    Richard, you were peeking too?? and you buy your mil bras??? Oh man. That's a got a very high squick factor.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Now there is a story I Can relate to. Who do you take to the panty section?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Pam have you been properly fitted? I heard that 90% of women bounce around in the wrong size because they don't bother to get into the right cups.

    It was a life changing event for my wife and I and worth every penny. It is actually astounding what a difference it makes..OK

    I could talk about this all day but I am bound by the law of averages to say something really, really stupid that my wife will find out about on some third cousin's twice removed husband's neice's twin sister's ex-husband's daughter's in laws facebook!

    ReplyDelete

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