Skip to main content

That's Not Funny

Pamela's Column for Pacific Publishing

Men, and I don't mean just any males, should not be taken out in public on a trip to purchase undergarments with their wives. Bad things will happen. Ok, maybe not bad things, but things you don’t want happening. Unfunny things.

I went bra shopping today and I took my husband with me. Generally this isn't something I do. Bringing the husband along when I look for lacey unmentionables isn't high on his list of fun activities. He wanted to know why I needed a new bra. I pulled my shirt up and showed him my bra.

"You see how the lace in the middle has runs in it?"
"Oh yeah.....wow, how old is it?”
"I bought it last week”
“You did?!”
“No, I didn’t. I’m hard on a bra but not that hard”
“What happens if the lace gives way?” he said with a salacious look in his eyes.
"If this baby blows, someone could lose an eye"
"It would be like two airbags going off at the same time!"

At this point he's laughing his butt off and I'm trying to stifle a giggle.

"Hey! That's mean!"
"Just think about it, though."
"No thanks.."
“The loss of life would be staggering!”
“That’s not funny.”

Into the store we went and I picked out a bra and several shirts and skirts. When I went into the changing room, I picked the dressing room closest to the door because I wanted to come out and show him how things looked. Normally I don’t choose that dressing room; I go to last room just because it seems safer somehow. Turns out I was right.

Quickly stripping off my shirt and bra, I reached for my bra-to-be.

“Wooo Hooo!!” I heard my husband say from outside the dressing rooms.
“What?”
“Peek-a-boo!”
“OHMYGOSH!! Can you see me???”

He could. I covered myself up and glared at him over the top of the door.

“How can you see me?”
“Those mirrors are set at 90 degree angles from each other and looking into one you can see the reflection through the other. Plus I’m tall and I can see over the door.”
“Argh!” Go away!”
“Hey, it’s not like I haven’t seen it before.”

Ok, he had me there. I’m sure at some point in our twenty years together he’s seen more of me than I have. He’s seen my uterus as it was pulled out of my body after a brutal c-section. Yep, he’s seen it all.

I told him to go away again and he went off to find the restroom.

Another woman came into the dressing rooms.

“Where did that guy go?”
“The tall blond guy?”
“Yeah, is he in here? Hellooooo?”
“That’s my husband and he went to the bathroom.”
“Oh good, I thought he was in here changing. I thought he was a cross dresser or something.”

I laughed then told her she’d just made my day and I couldn’t wait to break the news to my better-half that he gave the impression of being a cross dresser. A tall, peeping Tom kind of cross dresser.

“Oh, please don’t tell him that!”
“I have to!”
“Ok, but wait until you get outside, ok? I don’t want him knowing I said that.”

So I waited, but just barely.

In a sing-song voice I informed him that people thought he was a cross-dresser.

“People? What people?”
“The lady in the dressing room with me.”
“That’s hardly ‘people’. That’s one person and why would she think I was a cross-dresser?”
“She saw you go down the hall to the dressing rooms and you didn’t come out. She thought you were there in there dressing.”
“No, I was just enjoying the show”
“That’s not funny!”
“You keep saying that a lot today.”

Comments

  1. We have names for men who go shopping with their wives. On balance, they are not nice names.
    Please tell him that we are organising a rescue party, but it may be too late.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sorry Pam, but that is pretty funny. LOL Adventures in Bra shopping. I think I'll make sure to choose a back dressing room from now on.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've been sent to buy bras for my mother-in-law before. Half a dozen at a time. Bizarrely, for export back to their country of origin now I come to think of it. How odd.

    Oh, and we could see you from here, btw.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Vicus, I'm sure he'd welcome a rescue. Please get here asap.

    Sketchy, yes! I think ALL women should be made aware that the first dressing room should be avoided at all costs.

    Richard, you were peeking too?? and you buy your mil bras??? Oh man. That's a got a very high squick factor.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Now there is a story I Can relate to. Who do you take to the panty section?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Pam have you been properly fitted? I heard that 90% of women bounce around in the wrong size because they don't bother to get into the right cups.

    It was a life changing event for my wife and I and worth every penny. It is actually astounding what a difference it makes..OK

    I could talk about this all day but I am bound by the law of averages to say something really, really stupid that my wife will find out about on some third cousin's twice removed husband's neice's twin sister's ex-husband's daughter's in laws facebook!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Go ahead....tell me the truth :)

Popular posts from this blog

A Poem to an Abusive Man

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror.

Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me.

Thank You

You wooed me with poetry
I bit on the hook
Had I only first read
The name of the book

I would have avoided
The very first page
For pages kept turning
Revealing the rage

The ups were a great high
The ride was a bash
But I rode with my eyes closed
To avoid seeing the crash
I knew it would come soon
But I never knew when
The rage and the leaving
And the path to the end

You had to control things
Determined you would
Emotionally destroying me
Every way that you could

Elderly Abuse

I heard a loud thud the other morning around 3:30 a.m. I checked my monitor but he'd once again turned it to the wall so I was unable to see if he was still in bed. I went downstairs right behind my sweet husband and dad was on the living room floor moaning and holding his head. He'd fallen. Hard.


The first picture is the day of the fall. The second is the day after. The black eye keeps blossoming. He has a gash on his head, hidden by his silver hair and he skinned his shoulder/arm. He's a mess.

Was he using his walker? Nope. 85 year old toddlers cannot be told what to do. Or rather, they can be told what to do, they simply won't comply. Ever. In fact they get down right angry and throw fits. It's not pretty.

His physical therapist came to the house the next day and strongly told him to use his walker EACH TIME HE STOOD UP. Has he? Nope. Nyet. He was very angry with me yesterday because I kept asking him to use his walker. Also, I asked him i…

Back

BACK

Back on the horse
Monkey on his back
I see no light
Not even a crack
Back to delusions
Back to the lies
I see through his words
He can't hear my cries

Back into his soul
Back into his veins
The poison he pours
Dark liquid his chains

Backed into a corner
Heartbroken and torn
Back into the needle
The eye of the storm

Back to the wall
Soul bruised torn and broken
Back to my pain
His eyes half open

Back into the horror
Will he ever come back
Back into the nightmare
A needle in a sack

Back into his childhood
I loved him with fury
Looking back on his life
His choices my jury

How did this happen
Back to evil and sin
How can he do this
Lines on his skin

Back to my weeping
Back to my sorrow
My son, my love,
Has no more tomorrows
(all rights reserved)