Skip to main content

Everyone Else's Parents

Pamela's column for Pacific Publishing June 6, 2007

All right. I've had it. I'm mad and it's about time I stood up and said something about it before my head explodes.

I'm mad at Everyone Else's Parents. There. I said it and I'm not sorry. Do you know what you have put me through during my last eighteen years of being mired in the trenches of parenthood? You, Everyone Else's Parents, are much loved and revered by my four offspring. My children would rather have you for their parents than me. I can't say as I blame them. In fact, if you're not careful, I may just give my children to you. You don't make your children do chores.

You also let your children stay up to watch their favorite shows on cable, the ones with all the off color jokes and 'tasteful nudity' that is intrinsic to the plot line of the show. You allow your little ones to have ice cream for breakfast. Oh yes you do, I've heard it from the lips of my very own children.

Apparently you, Everyone Else's Parents, have an unlimited supply of cash on hand for everything from movies to endless stops at McDonald's for McHeart attacks. You have taken your children to Disneyland SIX TIMES! We never go anywhere.

My eight year old came to me with her latest list of what Everyone Else's Parent's l have let them do.

Daughter: “Everyone in my class has pierced ears, can I get mine pierced?”
Me: “They do huh?”
Daughter: “Yeah, everyone!!”
Me: “So, the boys all have pierced ears too?”
Daughter: “Well, some of them! But ALL the girls do, I'm the ONLY ONE that doesn't!”

Now my youngest has played the 'I'm the only one that doesn't' card. All parents have had this card dealt to them during the course of their parenthood. Once it's dealt, you have no option other than to call their bluff.

Me: “So all the girls have pierced ears in your class, huh?”
Daughter: “YES!!” (this affirmation is accompanied by a loud foot stomping.)
Me: “I'm going to drive you to school tomorrow and then go to your class with you and I'm going to personally check the ears of ALL the girls in your classroom to make sure they have pierced ears. Also, I'm going to do it in my robe and slippers.”
Daughter: “MOOOOOM! You can't do that!”
Me: “I can too. Should I wear my blue robe or my peach one? I think the peach one brings out the highlights in my hair, don't you?”
Daughter: “NOOOOOOO!” (more foot stomping)
Me: “So the blue one would be better?”

Everyone Else's Parents never embarrass their children by coming to school in robes and fuzzy slippers.

Everyone Else's Parent's do not believe in good nutrition. In fact, you do not monitor the food your children consume at all. You stock your pantries with cookies, chips, soda pop, and your freezers with prepared foods. I, on the other hand, never have any food in the house, according to my sixteen year old son.

Son: “There's nothing to eat!”
Me; “I just went shopping, the fridge is full of food!”
Son: “No, there's nothing good to eat in this house” (said as he slams the refrigerator door shut)
Me: “Look, there are apples and bananas and grapes. There's bread to make sandwiches”
Son: “I don't want any of that stuff. It's not food”
Me: “Is too!”
Son: “Is not!”
Me: “I have ingredients that you can make things with!”
Son: “Everyone Else''s Parents go to Costco and stock up on good stuff! How come you never do that? I don't want to make food!”
Me: “What, you want it to magically appear in front of you?”
Son: “Well, yeah. Can we go to Costco now?”
Me: “Uh, no. Go have an apple.”

Everyone Else's Parents don't make their children brush their teeth, make their beds, have bedtimes, or wear helmets when riding their bicycles. I caught my daughter outside riding her bike this afternoon sans helmet.

Me: “Inside, right now!”
Daughter: “Why?”
Me: “Hello? No helmet on your head when riding your bike again?”
Daughter: “Everyone Else's Parent's don't make them wear theirs! See? (pointing to neighbor boy Matthew, gleefully riding past with a bare head)
Me: “I don't care what Everyone Else's Parents make their kids do. You're in the house for the rest of the afternoon.”
Daughter: “Moooom, that's not fair!”
Me: “It's not fair that I'm still paying the bill for the last time you went riding without your helmet, or have you forgotten that bloody episode?”

Apparently she had. Forgotten it, that is.

In conclusion, I'd like to ask Everyone Else's Parents to please stop taking their children to Hawaii, stop buying them designer clothing, please make your child wear a helmet when bicycling, stop stocking your houses with exotic foodstuffs that I cannot possibly afford, and don't tell my children about your lake house, your beach house or your five dirtbikes and six quads. I'd like to offer up a suggestion to you: if you have so much disposable income that you make my children worship at the altar of your Perpetually Stocked Freezer and Our Lady of the Full Pantry, then perhaps you should raise my children. Then I could maybe go somewhere.


  1. Whatever, Mom, everyone else's parents wrote about this, like, 2 years ago.

  2. So you're one of them!. I'd always suspected as much.

  3. Blimen hec, this family has relations all over the world!!! My nieces, in New Zealand, are really friendly with Everyone Else's parents too.
    Good on you, Pamela, for standing up and making a statement.
    By the way, who cares if it was written two years ago ..... if wonderful people like you make a stand now, then hopefully it will mean there will be less people writing the same thing in another couple of years.
    Love ya

  4. I'll do my part...


Post a Comment

Go ahead....tell me the truth :)

Popular posts from this blog

A Poem to an Abusive Man

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror.

Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me.

Thank You

You wooed me with poetry
I bit on the hook
Had I only first read
The name of the book

I would have avoided
The very first page
For pages kept turning
Revealing the rage

The ups were a great high
The ride was a bash
But I rode with my eyes closed
To avoid seeing the crash
I knew it would come soon
But I never knew when
The rage and the leaving
And the path to the end

You had to control things
Determined you would
Emotionally destroying me
Every way that you could

I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always...

I rely on the kindness of strangers...

Or not so much strangers as readers of my miserable blog.

I received a beautiful card in the mail from my long-tine reader (perhaps my ONLY reader) that lifted my heart. Thank you, G. Parkes. It was kind of you to think of me. Seriously---you are so sweet. Thank you.

Perhaps we can meet in person one day. I'll be in Utah after Conference. We'll see how it goes.

I've been caring for my autistic grandson since July. It seems longer sometimes---and that's not a complaint. I adore this little man. He holds my heart. He fills my arms and my heart in the way that my own small babies used to do. When mine reached the age where they didn't want to be in my arms any longer, I felt their absence. Their absence from my arms was heavier than actually having them in my arms. It was an ache that is difficult to describe, a phantom pain where something once was but now is no longer.

Before my husband and I went to the cabin th…

I'm Sick. And the election isn't helping.

I spoke too soon about feeling better. My grandson was delightful enough to share his virus with me, so I've spent the past five days losing everything from both ends. It hasn't been pretty.

As a weight loss program though...

At least one end of me has stopped spewing. Now I wait for the other end to stop pretending to be filled with hot lava and erupting without much notice. Sorry, this is what is called over-sharing. Apparently I'm very good at it. You're welcome.

Last night I walked around the block with hubby and our adorable puppy. It was the first time I've been out of the house in five days. It was lovely, even though I was very shaky. Today I actually tried to accomplish something. I sat at my jewelry table, moved my seaglass around. Picked up pieces and played them through my hands. Such beautfy that came from something considered useless garbage and tossed away. I love my sea glass. It gives me the happies.

I also had a severe case of J…