Skip to main content

One Door Closes....

...and another one opens, right?

Sometimes not. Sometimes there is a very hard, enormously large brick wall. No doors. No windows.

I didn't get my job. I say 'my' job, but it wasn't really. I don't believe the powers that be, and that goes all the way to the very top, appreciated my vocal, albeit kindly worded, encouragement of more hours added to the position to care for the homeless students. It took them seven years to realize that the person taking care of these most at risk students should be a full time person, not a three hour a day person. Then they let me go.

I'm incredibly sad. And not entirely sure what to do with this gigantic brick wall facing me.

I'm lost.

Comments

  1. My dear girl!! You need to go volunteer at the nearest elementary school, or go to the bishops storehouse...something to get you out of your house and away from the thoughts that are crowding in on you. When you serve others, you can forget yourself for a little while, and that includes all the pain and angst that is in your life. :( I'm so sorry you lost your job...there are tons in my school district, but I don't think you want to move to Utah...not with our weather, lol.
    I dropped my youngest child...my BABY! off at Job Corp yesterday. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and my hubby and I have both been emotional about it. We are going on faith, as the Bishop and everyone else has said the program has changed, it's clean, it will be good for him, yada yada. I've decided to put my trust in the Lord and let him live his life. He's 20, turning 21 next month, and is so innocent in regards to many things. He idolizes (or did) his oldest brother who went into the Army and totally tossed all our teachings out the window. (He's the divorced and remarried one with a daughter that lives with mom and is entering kindergarten - I know, more info than you need or prob want, lol) So - I'm really glad I went back to work today, so I could possibly not dwell on the idea of what he might be running into. Only to have one of my co-workers remind me that her daughter worked there for over a year and had a kid steal her car keys from her purse while in class and try to take off with her car...they didn't press charges, but she did and they were upset with her. Sigh. It's not a whole lot different than sending him off to school, and he is REALLY close, like 15 min away, so I'm hoping if anything really bad happens he'll call and let us know. I told Heavenly Father last night that He was the one who decided I needed this child, so he was in His hands. That's a real hard thing to do...cut the umbilical cord when I've been doing it all for 20 years. But then, you know that feeling too.
    Anyway...sorry to gab your ears off...or rather, waste your reading time (which in my opinion is pretty precious, lol) Just had to tell someone, as I've managed not to break down in front of anyone but hubby yet. Some days I really wish the second coming were here, ya know? Anyway, hope your eyes are doing better, or that you're finding a way of coping. Perhaps you could listen to conference, or get a book on CD or something...Chris Heimerdinger is awesome to listen to. :)
    Take care...I'm here. (in a nice NON-stalker kind of way... )

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Go ahead....tell me the truth :)

Popular posts from this blog

A Poem to an Abusive Man

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror.

Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me.

Thank You

You wooed me with poetry
I bit on the hook
Had I only first read
The name of the book

I would have avoided
The very first page
For pages kept turning
Revealing the rage

The ups were a great high
The ride was a bash
But I rode with my eyes closed
To avoid seeing the crash
I knew it would come soon
But I never knew when
The rage and the leaving
And the path to the end

You had to control things
Determined you would
Emotionally destroying me
Every way that you could

I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always...

I rely on the kindness of strangers...

Or not so much strangers as readers of my miserable blog.

I received a beautiful card in the mail from my long-tine reader (perhaps my ONLY reader) that lifted my heart. Thank you, G. Parkes. It was kind of you to think of me. Seriously---you are so sweet. Thank you.

Perhaps we can meet in person one day. I'll be in Utah after Conference. We'll see how it goes.

I've been caring for my autistic grandson since July. It seems longer sometimes---and that's not a complaint. I adore this little man. He holds my heart. He fills my arms and my heart in the way that my own small babies used to do. When mine reached the age where they didn't want to be in my arms any longer, I felt their absence. Their absence from my arms was heavier than actually having them in my arms. It was an ache that is difficult to describe, a phantom pain where something once was but now is no longer.

Before my husband and I went to the cabin th…

I'm Sick. And the election isn't helping.

I spoke too soon about feeling better. My grandson was delightful enough to share his virus with me, so I've spent the past five days losing everything from both ends. It hasn't been pretty.

As a weight loss program though...

At least one end of me has stopped spewing. Now I wait for the other end to stop pretending to be filled with hot lava and erupting without much notice. Sorry, this is what is called over-sharing. Apparently I'm very good at it. You're welcome.

Last night I walked around the block with hubby and our adorable puppy. It was the first time I've been out of the house in five days. It was lovely, even though I was very shaky. Today I actually tried to accomplish something. I sat at my jewelry table, moved my seaglass around. Picked up pieces and played them through my hands. Such beautfy that came from something considered useless garbage and tossed away. I love my sea glass. It gives me the happies.

I also had a severe case of J…