Skip to main content

On the 14th Day of Christmas you don't want to know ...

But you're going to find out anyway so I might as well share with you my very own personal version of The Twelve Days of Christmas.

I'm sure you're thrilled. Go ahead, sing along. After all, it's going to be so festive. No, really. I promise. Break out the eggnog.

On the first day of Christmas
My cell phone company gave to me
notice that my son had texted fourteen hundred times in one week

On the second day of Christmas
My son gave to me
notice that he was failing math

On the third day of Christmas
my coed called to say
You have to come and get me
and I'm not flying home alone either!

On the fourth day of Christmas
my husband said to me
The cats have horked in two places
and if you don't put them outside I will be killing them soon

On the fifth day of Christmas
I had a stroke!

Fourteen hundred text messages!
Son failing math!
Girl NOT flying home!
Cat hork on carpeting
and a stroke in my parietal lobe!

On the sixth day of Christmas
my true love gave me to me
CAT scan and bloodwork!

On the seventh day of Christmas
Verizon said to me
We turn your phones off unless you pay big bucks

On the eight day of Christmas
My sister said to me
I'm sorry but our Auntie Helen died

On the ninth day of Christmas
disabled daughter says to me
my brace hurts and I'm not wearing it anymore!

On the tenth day of Christmas
my cerebral cortex said to me
You really don't need to see out of your right eye

On the eleventh day of Christmas
ER doctor says to me
Ma'am you going to get an MRI

On the twelfth day of Christmas
our son calls us to say
Airbags went off but I'm ok



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


You're going to hear about it anyway, so I just thought I'd do a blanket-telling right here. In fact. just so you know? Don't expect any Christmas cards from me this year.

C'mon, lets sing it all together now!

Fourteen hundred text messages!
Son failing math!
Girl NOT flying home!
Cat hork on carpeting
and a stroke in my parietal lobe!
CT scan and bloodwork!
Removal of phone service!
Death in the family!
Leg Brace not working!
Right eye goes kaplooey!
Get an MRI
The airbags went off but car is totaled now.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Comments

  1. Vicus Scurra5:04 PM

    Some folk just make no effort to get into the seasonal spirit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Paige11:35 PM

    This is the kind of stuff that they make movies about, fictional movies. How about a new career in screen writing? I hope the next 12 days of Christmas are more peaceful. I hope you are okay.

    And isn't the blog a kind of Christmas card?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dave11:37 PM

    On the contrary, Vicus, I feel she needs to start drinking deeply of the Christmas spirit (or of any other spirit she can lay her hands on).

    ReplyDelete
  4. Paul11:16 AM

    Ay, caramba. Well, things HAVE to get better.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Unknown12:23 PM

    I was hoping so....

    but last night I found out that my nephew with cystic fibrosis has pnuemonia and MRSA.

    ..and a holly jolly Christmas....

    Oh, and Paul? I've enjoyed peeking in on your blog once in a while. Sounds like you're doing well.....

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Go ahead....tell me the truth :)

Popular posts from this blog

Wheeeeeeee!

Today I was awakened to the not-so-delightful sounds of enormous dump trucks, (you know the ones that are a dump truck and they haul a trailer behind?) dumping truck load after truck load of dirt behind my house. Then the most incredibly noisey and squeaky (do they not grease the tracks on those things??) grader began shoving the dirt and rocks around. I had to fight the urge to throw a can of WD40 over the fence to the driver. It wasn't even eight in the morning. It wasn't even 7:30 yet. So I reluctantly arose from my bed and cleaned up the kitchen. After it was spotless, I went back upstairs to my freeze-zone (the only room in the house with AC) to do some online banking and make calls to check on medical bills, etc. As I was finishing up, in walks my husband! At first I had a moment of Oh-no-he's-lost-his-job terror. Then it passed after he smiled. Seems they ran out of work for the day. Odd, but then that's Boeing. So hubby was roped into going school cloth
19 comments
Read more

Peace Begins with You

In my readings this week, I came across a video of Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin. He gave a talk entitled, "Peace Within." Who doesn't want peace? Who doesn't crave peace within their soul? In their lives? In their hearts and in their homes? How often do we have complete peace? I'd say my answer would have to be that there isn't enough peace in my life, heart or home. It's not like I live in a warzone--I do not. I'm blessed to live in a nation where I have freedoms granted to me by the founding fathers and I do not risk being struck down by bombs or shot by snipers when I venture forth from my home. My neighborhood is relatively safe, so much so that I take solo walks. The peace I speak of is something different. It's the peace that can be with me no matter my circumstances. I crave that peace. Elder Wirthlin says that peace begins in the hearts of righteous individuals. How does it begin? With a relationship with our creator. In ferven
1 comment
Read more

She's Something...

Most of you know that I've got four children. My eldest is seventeen. Oh heavens...how did that happen? Wasn't I just seventeen the other day? I'm sure I was.... Well, she's amazing. I know the majority of mothers have very high compliments to pay their children--and rightly so. However, my baby girl is astounding by anyone's standards. She is going to high school and college at the same time. In high school she's taking mostly AP (Advanced Placement) classes, which also count for college credits. She gets up at five a.m. every morning, goes to Seminary, then goes to school, she works four hours daily as an office manager at Winderemere Real Estate. She speaks Spanish, plays piano, guitar and flute. She goes to the gym daily and it shows. This was her yesterday. This is a picture I just took of her, after getting her braces put on. Now, having said that she is gifted and talented, I should ammend this post to tell you the following. She just got home
18 comments
Read more