It's like this...

I'm still standing, after all this time.... Today I have made a decison. For me. To let go of all the toxic people and things in my life. I cannot forget---oh that I could----but I can choose not to let other people's decisions tear at my heart and my soul. I can walk away. I can and I will. From now on I will let go of the pain and the heartache I have allowed to seep into my soul. I am only responsible for my decisions. I will only keep people in my life that do not use me, abuse me, or bring me down. I will walk in faith, knowing that everything is in His hands and give the control over to Him. I will not be hurt by other people's opinions of me. It's my opinion that counts---not theirs. I cannot save anyone--only He can. I will not dwell on painful experiences. I will seek His peace more fully in my life. I will be happy. I will write what I darn well please. When I please. When I am feeling overwhelmed, I will walk away. I will serve my hus...

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror. Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me. Thank You You wooed me with poetry I bit on the hook Had I only first read The name of the book I would have avoided The very first page For pages kept turning Revealing the rage The ups were a great high The ride was a bash But I rode with my eyes closed To avoid seeing the crash I knew it would come soon But I never knew when The rage and the leaving And the path to the end You had to control things Determined you would Emotionally destroying me...

In the past ten months, our family has experienced the following: 1. Three Northwest Hospital ER visits. 2. Eighteen Children’s Hospital ER visits. 3. Three surgeries on an Achilles tendon. 4. One surgery lengthening an arm tendon and transferring two other tendons. 5. One lovely ride in a Medic One 6. A bone infection due to a root canal gone terribly wrong. 7. Two oral surgeries. 8. Four hospital stays 9. One Harborview ER visit 10. Our car’s transmission went out so we are down to one vehicle, meaning I get up at the crack of Didn’t-I-just-go-sleep, take hubby to work, come home and get two offspring up. I take one to high school, one to middle school. I go to work, go pick up my husband, pick up high schooler, pick up middle schooler, lather, rinse and repeat ad nauseam. 11. We lost our beautiful home....and 12. Our dog died. Toss in an unwed pregnancy and our lives just became a country song---without the beer of course. Or the gun rack in the pickup truck. ...

I'm home from church today.... I was greatly looking forward to going, for two reasons; One, my husband is speaking and two, my older sister Cheri is coming. It would have been wonderful. However, my place is here at home, keeping my child safe and watching over her. There is no manual for us, as the parents of this very unique and troubled child. There just isn't. We do what we think is right, we pray and pray and pray for guidance. And sometimes....we wonder where the 'joy in our posterity' is to be found. Struggles overwhelm us, as we try to find that joy in small moments. Sadly, they are few and far between. Still, we try. Last night Lance and I sat down with some very dear friends of ours. Their struggles are difficult and some of theirs are like ours, so we had much to talk about. It felt wonderful to talk with someone who understands, someone who is going through the parenting trenches with children who have special needs, and with a typical chil...

I'm going to be brutally honest with all of you. Well, all two of you that may have continued to read my blog. I hope that once you read this, you will continue to be my friends and/or family. I DO NOT LIKE MOTHER'S DAY I really don't. Not anymore. Oh, there were times I loved the celebration of my being a mom, when my four offspring were younger. I remember little handprints on papers in bright colors, crafty mother's day gifts from elementary school that my babies were dying to give to me. Some couldn't wait until Sunday and I was given those gifts as they climbed down from their yellow school buses the Friday before a Mother's Day. Eyes bright with the joy of giving me something they had made themselves. There were breakfasts in bed. One Mother's Day my two youngest girls slaved in the kitchen and brought me a plate of food that did not in fact look like something edible. Since they knew my favorite color was pink, they used some food colori...

This is David Tennant, born David MacDonald. He is the tenth incarnation of Dr. Who, a show I previously did not know existed. Now my life is complete. I have become..... A Whovian. Dr. Who is gearing up for it's 50th Anniversary show. I can't wait. Curse you, David Tennant. I can't seem to quit you. Em, what I mean to say is, thanks for the lovely distraction you give me from the struggles of day to day life. I tell my children we should get a Tardis. They roll their eyes. It's ok. Not everyone can love a show as much as another person. I think it's good to take a mental vacation sometimes. David isn't just some fly-by-night actor, oh no. This gem of a man is a critically acclaimed actor, part of the RSC, the Royal Shakespeare Club. His Hamlet will bring you to tears. His bit on the Catherine Tate Show as the ghost of Christmas present, is one of my favorite pieces, and not just because he dances. Ok, that's partly it, but still. He...

It's been a busy week here for Spring Break. Ashley had her surgery on Monday at Children's. It went well. They lengthened one tendon and moved two other tendons around in her arm. It's going to help her hand not contract as much and hopefully give her more use of it. It's been a bit difficult to control her pain, but I think we're doing much better now. I had oral surgery on Tuesday. Glad that pain is over. I'm doing quite well today. Yesterday we decided to brave it and take the ferry to Kingston. We were planning on staying a couple of days. The weather has been gorgeous! However, once there we realized that Ashley wasn't up to staying, so we spent the day and part of the evening. She slept a bit due to the pain meds. We had a campfire and made hobo stew and s'mores. Allison brought her boyfriend, Andy, for his first Kingston Beach Cabin experience. It was lovely. And here is a photo collage of our day. The moon was incredibly hug...