Saturday, May 25, 2013

A Poem to an Abusive Man

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror.

Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me.

Thank You

You wooed me with poetry
I bit on the hook
Had I only first read
The name of the book

I would have avoided
The very first page
For pages kept turning
Revealing the rage

The ups were a great high
The ride was a bash
But I rode with my eyes closed
To avoid seeing the crash
I knew it would come soon
But I never knew when
The rage and the leaving
And the path to the end

You had to control things
Determined you would
Emotionally destroying me
Every way that you could

Belittling my life
I did nothing your way
But how gently you showed me
That I was astray

You tore me to pieces
'Til tears I did cry
And then you would rescue me
"So sorry am I"

You did what you wanted
And stayed out all night
But dare I do question
Without starting a fight

You gave me your burdens
A gift of misery
You gave me your burdens
And then blamed them on me

I didn't deserve them
For I have no blame
Another attempt
To bring me to shame

The secrets I kept
So no one would know
"He is a GREAT guy"
I put on a show

The anger, the fighting
Was worth it you see
For the highs of your love
Were blinding to me

I cried and I pleaded
In retrospect
How sad to have yearned for
More abuse and neglect

I never did get it
How sorry was me
I never did get it
Until I was free

And yes, I still love you
Despite the hatred you spew
For some weak reason
I will always love you

When you look up Sid
The light that you see
So flitting and free now
That light is me

I've also learned that on average, a woman will leave their abuser 8 times before leaving for good. EIGHT TIMES. An abuser will take the cell phone of the woman and text her family, be completely controlling in every way. An abused woman burns out everyone in her circle. Her family, her friends, her coworkers. They finally throw up their hands and say enough is enough because they see the woman return again and again to her abuser and they don't understand why. It makes no sense to the abused woman's friends and family. It's partially because the man has killed all self esteem in the woman and made her feel that no one else would ever want her. There is a cycle to this abuse. Some women stay because they are made to feel that everything is their fault and if they just try a little harder to please their abuser, he will change and truly love them and then choirs of angels will sing and their relationship will be perfect.

Unfortunately, that is not the case. They do not change. The cycle of abuse continues.

If you know of someone who needs help, give them this information.

Visit the Domestic Violence Hotline or call 1-800-799-7233 TODAY.

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