Sunday, May 08, 2011

I don't like this day...

It's Mother's Day today.

Meh. I'm having one of *those* days where I feel like a failure. I didn't do this, I didn't do that, I should have done this and that wouldn't have happened, yada yada yada. I realize that there are many things I have no control over...but still.

I left sacrament meeting and went to visit my mom in her garden of stone. Her grave can been seen from where our church building is--so I generally look over in that direction each sabbath morning before going into church and mentally say good morning to my mom.

As I stood over her grave crying, I heard a car stop behind me and turn off. A car door slammed and then a gentleman was standing beside me. He handed me a red carnation and said Happy Mother's Day. I said nothing. I couldn't. He stood there in silence with me, arms folded across his chest. After a minute or so he said, "You must be a very good person to care this much." Then he patted my shoulder, got back into his car and drove away.

I placed the red carnation in the flower vase at the foot of my mother's grave, wiped my tears away and went back to church to teach my little four and five year old angels.

I really don't like Mother's Day.

3 comments:

  1. Sorry Pam. I could see that your day was hard when we crossed paths yesterday and I didn't know what to say to you so I blathered on about ridiculous things, knowing I wasn't helping. I'm sorry you don't have your mom anymore.

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  2. Paige, you were so kind to talk to me and not ask me what was wrong. I was thinking I was covering quite well but I guess not. Never been too good at that.

    Things are ok. You are wonderful.

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  3. Every year it's a struggle. Our ward has finally stopped asking people to talk about their amazing mother's that make us all feel guilty and started talking about women in general, and it's been better, but I still try to have no expectations of the day because invariably they leave me feeling unloved and let down. My hubby feels the same with Father's Day and wishes we could be out of town. We actually are going to be this year...lol. I'm sorry you had a tough day. Let me say that I think you're an amazing mother - even though we really don't know each other. Your blogs are an inspiration to me. Take care.

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Go ahead....tell me the truth :)