1. It's possible to cram 12 adolescent females into a suburban legally licensed to carry 7 passengers. Please do not ask me how I know this fact.
2. Adolescent females can apparently go vegan at the drop of a sad animal video. And then switch right back to being an omnivore the second you've loaded your fridge with tofu, bean sprouts, vegan cookbooks and vegan refried beans in order to support their desire to eschew all things meaty. You may ask me how I know this, but expect a lengthy diatribe and bring tissues.
3. I am walking
4. The probability that a disaster involving something at my job increases exponentially by the number of miles I've driven from my office, causing me to return and rescue someone.
5. I have learned that the only way to get my skinniest daughter to stop asking me if she's fat is to reply, "You are hideously obese. How can you walk through that door, much less hold your head up? Please don't step outside for you will frighten the neighborhood children and any small animals about."
6. Never EVER click on a video from a Latin American country where the title is ,'La Vida no vale nada' You will be spiritually and emotionally bruised for the remainder of the day. They do not have the same requirement to warn viewers beforehand about disturbing and graphic content. Trust me on this. You cannot unsee something once you've seen it.
7. If you want to make a menopausal woman happy, buy her a small personal battery operated fan so she can carry it with her every second of every minute of every day. It will become her new best friend---next to you of course.
8. Just because Cheetos are orange does not mean you can claim they are a vegetable because carrots are the same color. By that reasoning, I can pay you your allowance with actual lettuce instead of dollar bills because they are both green.
9. I may very well be the cause of Global Warming. Someone alert Al Gore
10. "Be still and know that I am God..." Psalms 46:10.
Weren't expecting that last one, were you?