Sunday, October 31, 2010

Things that frighten me

Fake blood and eerie things that go bump in the night...goblins and ghosts knocking on your door, asking for candy. Halloween is the time of year that brings out gory movies, rubber masks and terrifying Lady Gaga costumes.

Those things don't frighten me. Ok, the Lady Gaga thing is unsettling, but she usually doesn't make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. Usually.

I have other things that scare me. Here's the short list, in no particular order:

1. Not graduating from high school--or having to go back and do it again. I have a reoccurring dream in which I've somehow decided to go back to high school and graduate. These dreams do not end well, as I would not exactly blend with the current population of my former school. Then there's the whole I-never-went-to-a-class-and-today-is-the-final-day part of the dream. I do not wake up feeling rested and calm from this dream.

2. Having my youngest daughter suffer more damage from her condition than she's already suffered.

3. Creepy life sized zombie, monster or movie-killer mechanical moving 'dolls'. I was unaware that I had this fear until I was Halloween shopping with my husband and came across three of them that were moving and talking and LOOKING AT ME. I walked quickly in the other direction to gaze at the children's costumes. :::shudder:::

4. Political ads on television. Ok, that's not entirely true. They don't frighten me as much as disgust me and cause me to feel the need for brain bleach and disinfectant wipes. I would be scared if one of my children grew up to BE a politician. I believe there's only so much time you can spend in a sewer before you become part of the stinking ooze.

5. Spiders. Yes, I know they are useful creatures. I understand that I am a gazillion times their size and they mean me no harm. Intellectually understanding these concepts is quite different from being able to quell the squicky feelings they inspire in me.

6. Losing my husband. He is my rock, my life and most definitely the better half of this coupling. I would not be the person I am if it were not for him. People continually tell me that he is the nicest person they've EVER met. And they mean it. I am blessed to have him--and would be bereft without him.

7. Reaching the end of my life's journey without doing what I came here to do.

8. Heights. Really big ones. Very high up. I'm alright if I don't look down, but who goes up to someplace painfully high and doesn't look down? Isn't that the point? Or part of it anyway. My father suffers from this same phobia. Once when we were younger, he took us on a vacation to Banf, Canada. They have these gondolas, see?

Mom and us kids rode them aaaallllll the waaaaaay to the top. My father would not set one foot inside one of those hanging metal death traps. He said to us, "Someone has to stay down here to identify the bodies." Thanks Dad. I'm pretty sure that's when my problem started.

9. Losing my children. Not to death, as I know we all go on to the next step of our journey, but to the darkness. Do not be fooled--there IS darkness and it will do all it can to blot out the Light.

10. Becoming that person who forgets they told you a story and tell it to you again and again and again and again.

Hey, have I told you about what frightens me lately?

1 comment:

  1. love it pam!
    and your husband really is the nicest person! he is always smiling!
    but you are one of the sweeetest people i have the privlage of calling friend. [so it's a win win situation:)}


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