I keep losing track of the days....

Which is what generally happens to me when the kids are out of school and I'm not on a regulated work schedule.

There have been ups and there have been downs. I suppose that's life on this planet. I won't bore you will all of the mundane details.

I was feeling the nudge to write yesterday...just a tiny flicker of what I used to feel. It's been a while since I've written too awful much.

On Thursday night last week I had two old friends over for dinner. It was Kathy's mom Sally and Kathy's sister, Sherrie.

Kathy was my bestest friend when we were fourteen. She was murdered when we were both that age.... Something like that leaves a huge hole in you as an adolescent. I think as you grow older it comes back to you in moments you don't expect.

At any rate, the dinner was wonderful. Spending time with Sally and Sherrie was sweet. Sally brought a book when she came--a scrapbook. There were baby pictures of Kathy, toddler pictures, home taken pictures all the way up to when her last pictures were taken and posted in newspapers. Newspaper articles with her pictures and official notes from the men working on her case. I slowly turned each page and recalled my time in a dusty Thurston County Sheriff's office a few years ago. I had boxes and boxes of evidence from the trial, and boxes of pictures. Pictures I now wish I'd never seen. I shook off those dark days and closed Sally's scrapbook.

Having them here was sweet...and sad. We've kept in touch all these years. Lost each other, found each other again. We've all lived our lives in the past 36 years...married, had children, some now have grandchildren. Moved away, moved back. Loved, loved and lost...our hair is slowly turning gray, our bodies slowing down. We shared our stories with each other, with Kathy sitting quietly in the back of our minds.

I wonder...how many children would she have now? Would I be able to tease her about her gray hair or the wrinkles around her eyes? I hope we'd be able to laugh about that old couch in her garage that used to be OUR hangout. The black light and the fun. I wish I could connect with her on Facebook, or text her a funny message.

But I can't. William Cosden Jr. made sure of that when he took her life. I'm thankful he's in prison and can't hurt anymore girls.

But I sure wish I could talk to Kathy one more time too...