Skip to main content

The Gift of the Cuddle

I've cuddled my baby girl much as she would allow. The time between cuddles is getting few and far between. Eleven year-olds don't take too kindly to cuddle requests. I did manage to cuddle with her while I was sitting on our bed this afternoon, but I knew it wouldn't last long. She doesn't fit in my arms as she once did. It makes me sad. It's the same pattern I've followed with my three older children. Fewer and fewer hugs and cuddles until finally I realize....they've stopped altogether.

Sometimes my mommy's heart aches to hold my babies. It's very nearly a physical need. I think back to the newborn and toddler days. There were the constant holdings, changings, wipings, cleanings, feedings, burpings and the sheer joy of being in such close physical contact with sweet angels from heaven. Late night feedings and early morning rockings.

I miss that time of life.

Today as I held my youngest angel, I found myself gently swaying, rocking back and forth as I did for so many years. Smiling, I recalled times when I was out shopping and would suddenly realize I'd been standing looking at some produce, rocking back and forth without a baby in sight. It became such a habit.

The loving ties that are built by such close proximity, the caring and the giving and joy of tiny smiles and baby giggles isn't something to be taken lightly. It's a gift. I was the grateful recipient of such gifts four times over.

Perhaps it's the sad news this week of a dear friend with stage four breast cancer and another recurrence of bone cancer for another sweet friend that has caused me to wax a bit melancholy.

Life is a gift to be treasured and we never know when that gift will be taken back. I'm so thankful for the love---the abundant love that I have experienced with my husband and my children.

But I still miss the cuddles.


  1. I will not cuddle you. Blame yourself. You reported me last time.

  2. Pam- I miss the cuddles too. At least you still have Ash to cuddle with. Mandi and Charlie are waaay too big and too busy to cuddle with mom anymore. That's OK, one day I will have grandchildren and they're going to be cuddled as much as I can!


Post a Comment

Go ahead....tell me the truth :)

Popular posts from this blog

A Poem to an Abusive Man

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror.

Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me.

Thank You

You wooed me with poetry
I bit on the hook
Had I only first read
The name of the book

I would have avoided
The very first page
For pages kept turning
Revealing the rage

The ups were a great high
The ride was a bash
But I rode with my eyes closed
To avoid seeing the crash
I knew it would come soon
But I never knew when
The rage and the leaving
And the path to the end

You had to control things
Determined you would
Emotionally destroying me
Every way that you could

I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always...

I rely on the kindness of strangers...

Or not so much strangers as readers of my miserable blog.

I received a beautiful card in the mail from my long-tine reader (perhaps my ONLY reader) that lifted my heart. Thank you, G. Parkes. It was kind of you to think of me. Seriously---you are so sweet. Thank you.

Perhaps we can meet in person one day. I'll be in Utah after Conference. We'll see how it goes.

I've been caring for my autistic grandson since July. It seems longer sometimes---and that's not a complaint. I adore this little man. He holds my heart. He fills my arms and my heart in the way that my own small babies used to do. When mine reached the age where they didn't want to be in my arms any longer, I felt their absence. Their absence from my arms was heavier than actually having them in my arms. It was an ache that is difficult to describe, a phantom pain where something once was but now is no longer.

Before my husband and I went to the cabin th…

I'm Sick. And the election isn't helping.

I spoke too soon about feeling better. My grandson was delightful enough to share his virus with me, so I've spent the past five days losing everything from both ends. It hasn't been pretty.

As a weight loss program though...

At least one end of me has stopped spewing. Now I wait for the other end to stop pretending to be filled with hot lava and erupting without much notice. Sorry, this is what is called over-sharing. Apparently I'm very good at it. You're welcome.

Last night I walked around the block with hubby and our adorable puppy. It was the first time I've been out of the house in five days. It was lovely, even though I was very shaky. Today I actually tried to accomplish something. I sat at my jewelry table, moved my seaglass around. Picked up pieces and played them through my hands. Such beautfy that came from something considered useless garbage and tossed away. I love my sea glass. It gives me the happies.

I also had a severe case of J…