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We're just two lost souls swimmin' in a fish bowl....

Day after day.

Seems like that on occasion. Not the lost part, but the fish bowl thing is accurate.

It's been a busy couple of weeks. I keep forgetting to update my blog. Yes, I know, you're devastated. Bereft.

I have a good excuse though.

I've been sleepless a bit lately...mostly because my oldest is serious about a young man. Things like this send my mind wandering back to when I too became serious with a young man and the talks my mother used to have with me...

I find myself day by day, hour by hour, turning more and more into my mother. I find myself understanding her better. Again. My first real understanding of her came when I became a mom for the first time with my girl who is now seriously dating a young man. The second time I remember the third big enlightenment and understanding of my mother arrived in my heart and mind when I had teenagers.

And the third overwhelming understanding came when my youngest was diagnosed with her stroke and all the terror of the what ifs about her future washed over me. It was then I realized I never fully understood my mother's pain at the devastating illness that took my older sister's physical and mental function from her when she was just a small child. I didn't know. How could I?

Now...oh now. Now I understand her yet again. Eight years after her death, I understand even more about her than I did before. Experience is truly the best teacher in all things--including things of the heart.

I wonder what's coming next.....


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A Poem to an Abusive Man

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror.

Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me.

Thank You

You wooed me with poetry
I bit on the hook
Had I only first read
The name of the book

I would have avoided
The very first page
For pages kept turning
Revealing the rage

The ups were a great high
The ride was a bash
But I rode with my eyes closed
To avoid seeing the crash
I knew it would come soon
But I never knew when
The rage and the leaving
And the path to the end

You had to control things
Determined you would
Emotionally destroying me
Every way that you could

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