Friday, March 19, 2010


My mouth is attempting to kill me yet again. I'm sure it's because last week I had this precise thought:

"It's so nice to not have ANY pain anywhere. I feel SO good!"

Time was you could think things like that and not be struck down. (Get off my lawn!) I'm guessing those times are gone. It's kind of like when you suddenly find yourself with a bit of extra money and you, this doesn't happen that often. It feels fun, it gives you a boost of extra security and then WHAM! The tranny on your car dies a horrible death and *POOF*! Not only is your extra $ gone but you're in a the hole just that much more.

We used to never talk about *extra* money around our vehicles because we learned that for some horrifically costly reason, THEY KNEW WE HAD EXTRA MONEY!!! Not only did they know, but they were determined to suck it from us as soon as possible.

Much like congress, but that's another rant subject entirely.

Then we would whisper about our surprising windfall around our modes of transportation. BOOM. Apparently whispering was still audible to our gas guzzling behemoth. So no talking about it, no whispering about and then that all went out the window when we discovered it could READ OUR THOUGHTS. Either that or it's little computer was somehow connected via the interwebbies to the mainframe of our bank and it was checking our balances.

We're going to start burying our money in mason jars out in the backyard. Let's see our little techno-genius-nosey-machine discover that little hoard! And when I say 'hoard', I really mean just $28.37

So let this be a warning to you. When your mouth feels good and you don't have a toothache, for the love of all that's monetary DO NOT PUT THAT THOUGHT INTO WORDS!

Or you'll end up like me, with a swollen face, prescriptions for oodles of legal narcotics, hours spent in a reclining chair and a guy in a mask doing ugly things to your mouth.

You've been warned.

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