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It's Snot Easy....

Today we're going to discuss Fun With Mucus and Nocturnal Animals. If you're squeamish, please continue reading. You know you want to. While you're at it, have someone take a picture of your face while you're reading and send it to me. I love making people happy.

Every morning I knowingly send my four offspring to seething petri dishes full of bacteria, otherwise known as school, where they exchange, trade and have recess with deadly strains of the cold and flu virus. It was only a matter of time until they engaged in biological warfare with my aged and compromised immune system.

I never stood a chance.

Last night, after ingesting near-lethal doses of Nyquil, I tried to sleep. Each time I lay horizontally, both nasal passages became hot rivers of slime, draining down my face and pooling on my pillow.

You know what happens next, right? C'mon. You've all done it at some point in your life. You wad up little pieces of tissue and plug the offending holes to staunch the flow of snot so you can sleep. Sure, you're going to be sleeping by breathing through your mouth, but you were going to do that anyway. It's not like you were able to use your nose as God intended tonight. Nasty little invasions of infection have made that impossible, so you go to plan B. Plan B means you have lost all dignity, and if you have a sleeping companion you are comfortable with, wads of tissue stuffed up your nose is your only option.

So first I blew, then I stuffed and lay down.

At first, all was well. The Nyquil was doing it's job of making me sleepy, and despite the Sahara desert sand that had taken up residence in my mouth, I slept.

It turned out that my sleeping companions were not as non-judgmental as I had previously thought, and objected to the wads of white tissue stuffed up my nose. I know this because they kept removing them during the night and racing off with them. At first I wasn't aware of what was happening, what with the Nyquil buzz I had going.

I sleep with three males and one female. One of the males is my husband, the other two are furry and four footed. Sleeping with just my husband is my intention, however during the night, the cats join us. They are the ones that didn't like the two improvised dams I'd created to stop the snot flow. I'm used to them sleeping on me, so their weight doesn't register and doesn't wake me up. When they pawed the wads from my nose, the lava flow began again in earnest. I restuffed. Four footed beasties returned, pawed them loose and raced off with them. I restuffed. I tried to bat them away when I felt them clawing at my face, but they always managed to yank out my tissue before I could stop them and jump off the bed before I could grab them back.
In the morning I discovered the disgusting wads of tissue all over the floor around my bed. It appears they were using them as toys during the night. I even found one downstairs. Heaven knows where I'll find the rest of them.

So let this be a lesson to all you faucet noses out there: Mucus and felines do not good bedfellows make, unless you like waking up to .............I'd like to come up with a funny ending, but it's snot coming to me.

Comments

  1. thanks for the heads up...
    i didn't plug up my nose but that was my runny life in january. all of january in fact...okay after the 10th of january....on through...

    feel better

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for that story. It was worth coming back from sunny Italy just to read it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. you know, if there'd been fire involved your cats would have each gotten their honorary tribal names.
    you have made me pee myself a little; please excuse me now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. it's amazing how the desperate need for some sleep can make dignity fly out the window - been there, done the stuffing, you have my sympathy! X

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm sure I left you a comment AND sympathy but it appears not to have!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Tis snot a good feeling....
    Not that I have ever done it...

    ReplyDelete
  7. UGH, ICK EWWWWW...snot balls all over the floor...EWWWWW...hope you're feeling better....ICK, Gross, BLECH!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Curisnotcity killed the cat.
    Why can't felids leave gross things alone? I know that they don't like it when you move anything in the house...move a picture frame or drop your keys on the wrong side of the counter and BOING up they go and give the object that pathetic little tiny cat nose sniff and then give that haughty look of disdain and meow 'whatever'...
    why can't they be like dogs and just lie in the middle of the hallway as the piano movers try to sidestep them.
    Ok Ok you're right, dogs love getting stuff out of ther bathroom garbage can.

    Pets are gross..it's a good thing that we love them.

    ReplyDelete

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