Skip to main content

The Big Test

The sun came out to play today. Gorgeous blue skies, big white fluffy clouds and actual sunshine. As I walked out of my office today, I noticed they were cutting the grass and I took a few deep breaths of that memory-inducing scent.

Reminds me of care free blue-skied summer days as a child. Dad or my brother would be cutting the grass and the smell....oh the smell. Like the sweet smell of the lilacs that are in bloom right now, I'm swept back in time. I close my eyes instinctively and *see* my life before I became the adult in charge of so many things. The pressure in my chest eases and I relax. Oh...the scent.

Obstacles that seemed insurmountable to me then, now appear as slight crumbs, easily crushed beneath my adult foot. Is it maturity that causes those past trials to seem insignificant compared to current struggles? No, I don't think that's it. Not really. Perhaps it's like going through school. First you're in Kindergarten. They don't teach you chemistry in Kindergarten, they start off with the easy stuff. You learn your A B C's. You have nap time. Snack time. You learn you must share the toys and learn to take your turn.

Then you move on, and the lessons get harder. The math gets more complicated.

Life gets more complicated and if you pass Algebra you can move on to Calculus. One test prepares you for the next. You quietly soldier on and you're able to bear more weight on your shoulders. You're older, stronger, smarter.

That doesn't mean the Big Tests in life are easy. They aren't. Sometimes they are excruciatingly painful and you can't share that pain except on your knees in fervent prayer to the Lord. And if your knees are bad, that physical ritual is taken from you and you are left to spiritually kneel before your Maker and plead for peace, for hearts to soften, for forgiveness, for healing.

And you can't forget to thank Him for the sweet smell of a freshly mowed lawn and the heady scent of lilacs.


Popular posts from this blog

A Poem to an Abusive Man

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror.

Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me.

Thank You

You wooed me with poetry
I bit on the hook
Had I only first read
The name of the book

I would have avoided
The very first page
For pages kept turning
Revealing the rage

The ups were a great high
The ride was a bash
But I rode with my eyes closed
To avoid seeing the crash
I knew it would come soon
But I never knew when
The rage and the leaving
And the path to the end

You had to control things
Determined you would
Emotionally destroying me
Every way that you could

I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always...

I rely on the kindness of strangers...

Or not so much strangers as readers of my miserable blog.

I received a beautiful card in the mail from my long-tine reader (perhaps my ONLY reader) that lifted my heart. Thank you, G. Parkes. It was kind of you to think of me. Seriously---you are so sweet. Thank you.

Perhaps we can meet in person one day. I'll be in Utah after Conference. We'll see how it goes.

I've been caring for my autistic grandson since July. It seems longer sometimes---and that's not a complaint. I adore this little man. He holds my heart. He fills my arms and my heart in the way that my own small babies used to do. When mine reached the age where they didn't want to be in my arms any longer, I felt their absence. Their absence from my arms was heavier than actually having them in my arms. It was an ache that is difficult to describe, a phantom pain where something once was but now is no longer.

Before my husband and I went to the cabin th…

I'm Sick. And the election isn't helping.

I spoke too soon about feeling better. My grandson was delightful enough to share his virus with me, so I've spent the past five days losing everything from both ends. It hasn't been pretty.

As a weight loss program though...

At least one end of me has stopped spewing. Now I wait for the other end to stop pretending to be filled with hot lava and erupting without much notice. Sorry, this is what is called over-sharing. Apparently I'm very good at it. You're welcome.

Last night I walked around the block with hubby and our adorable puppy. It was the first time I've been out of the house in five days. It was lovely, even though I was very shaky. Today I actually tried to accomplish something. I sat at my jewelry table, moved my seaglass around. Picked up pieces and played them through my hands. Such beautfy that came from something considered useless garbage and tossed away. I love my sea glass. It gives me the happies.

I also had a severe case of J…