Pamela's Column for Pacific Publishing
September 16, 2007
I’m being stalked. I’m not sure the police can help me with my situation. To tell you the truth I probably brought this on myself. I was too nice, too giving, too available and encouraged the attention from this person when deep down inside I sometimes felt like screaming “Leave me alone!!” and running far, far away. But I didn’t. I stayed in this relationship probably longer than was healthy and I fear I caused this dependence. I know the experts counsel stalking victims that it’s really not their fault, that the stalker has issues and that you are not to blame.
They couldn’t be more wrong in this case. I know I made mistakes with this person. I gave them money, I paid for their cell phone and I even bought them clothes. When we went out to eat, I always paid. I know, I know, I was gullible. I should have known better and stood up for myself.
I admit it. It’s my fault.
In the past week I’ve gotten 1,375 text messages, 47 phone calls and 68 emails from my stalker. I’m scared. A restraining order is not out of the question.
I told my sister about all the texting and calling and emails. She had some sage advice for me.
“Tell your daughter to leave you alone and grow up. Her first year at college is going to be a challenge but she’s not making it any easier on herself by constantly contacting you”
Then she suggested that I not answer the phone for a while and I got goose bumps. Not answer the phone? Don’t respond to the text messages? Ignore the emails? Could I do that? Go cold turkey?
I’ve thought about it and I’m not sure I can simply quit this relationship. We have a kind of co-dependence thing going on here. She needs me for the money I provide and I need her because she makes me feel needed and for the fact that she’s talking to me.
I admit it. I’m easy. She’s been a teenager for five and a half years and she’s spoken to me more in the past week than she has in those five years. Oh, she’s a sneaky one. Communicating with me in order to break down my defenses is a clever plan. How devious of her.
And all it took was sending her out of state to college. If I’d known that breaking down her walls was as easy as moving her 900 miles away I might have done it when she was 14. Now that I think about it, I wanted to send her far, far away when she was 14 but the law said I couldn’t.
Of course she didn’t have a cell phone when she was 14 so her ability to stalk me would have been severely inhibited.
Oh, here comes another text message.
“I love you madre”
Now I’m worried. Someone has obviously stolen her cell phone.
“Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?”
“Ha ha mom. Very funny”
It’s not funny to me. I’m concerned. I think I’ll send her an email and see how she’s doing.
September 16, 2007
I’m being stalked. I’m not sure the police can help me with my situation. To tell you the truth I probably brought this on myself. I was too nice, too giving, too available and encouraged the attention from this person when deep down inside I sometimes felt like screaming “Leave me alone!!” and running far, far away. But I didn’t. I stayed in this relationship probably longer than was healthy and I fear I caused this dependence. I know the experts counsel stalking victims that it’s really not their fault, that the stalker has issues and that you are not to blame.
They couldn’t be more wrong in this case. I know I made mistakes with this person. I gave them money, I paid for their cell phone and I even bought them clothes. When we went out to eat, I always paid. I know, I know, I was gullible. I should have known better and stood up for myself.
I admit it. It’s my fault.
In the past week I’ve gotten 1,375 text messages, 47 phone calls and 68 emails from my stalker. I’m scared. A restraining order is not out of the question.
I told my sister about all the texting and calling and emails. She had some sage advice for me.
“Tell your daughter to leave you alone and grow up. Her first year at college is going to be a challenge but she’s not making it any easier on herself by constantly contacting you”
Then she suggested that I not answer the phone for a while and I got goose bumps. Not answer the phone? Don’t respond to the text messages? Ignore the emails? Could I do that? Go cold turkey?
I’ve thought about it and I’m not sure I can simply quit this relationship. We have a kind of co-dependence thing going on here. She needs me for the money I provide and I need her because she makes me feel needed and for the fact that she’s talking to me.
I admit it. I’m easy. She’s been a teenager for five and a half years and she’s spoken to me more in the past week than she has in those five years. Oh, she’s a sneaky one. Communicating with me in order to break down my defenses is a clever plan. How devious of her.
And all it took was sending her out of state to college. If I’d known that breaking down her walls was as easy as moving her 900 miles away I might have done it when she was 14. Now that I think about it, I wanted to send her far, far away when she was 14 but the law said I couldn’t.
Of course she didn’t have a cell phone when she was 14 so her ability to stalk me would have been severely inhibited.
Oh, here comes another text message.
“I love you madre”
Now I’m worried. Someone has obviously stolen her cell phone.
“Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?”
“Ha ha mom. Very funny”
It’s not funny to me. I’m concerned. I think I’ll send her an email and see how she’s doing.
Get over it, she's gone. Flown the nest.
ReplyDeleteAs I write she is rolling on the floor, stoned with the strongest skunk outside of Afghanistan, thinking about which of the seven Hell's Angels in the room she is going to spend the weekend with.
I hope that this helps.
wow. you're hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI don't text you or call you more than I do any of my friends.
and tell auntie julie that she's stupid. I don't need to grow up; I only call you because maybe I need advice, or I thought how you'd be interested in hearing about it here. and I hate this school.
Pammy, ignore Vicus' comment. This is a typical case of not knowing how good you had it until you leave. And of course the needing money thing. I hope you don't have to file the restraining order, it will make things awkward when she comes back for the holidays.
ReplyDelete