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Hello 2016

This isn't a post about resolutions---I don't do those anymore because they rarely work for me. Ok, 'rarely' is a bit optimistic. It's more like never. I read somewhere that you should put systems into place, rather than make resolutions. Putting a system into place to achieve your goals sounds like a better path to success.

This is a random post about random thoughts I've had lately. Feel free to skip it. Heaven knows I haven't kept up reading the blogs of my friends, my enemies or anyone in between. (I don't believe I have any enemies, but then again I could simply be missing those social cues that would allow me to know someone is my enemy. Shrug

I inadvertently consumed copious amounts of caffeine today and thought I was going to die. This feeling of imminent death is not new to me, I've suffered from panic attacks since forever, although they have been mercifully infrequent these past few years. For the record, I didn't know I was taking in caffeine, or I wouldn't have done so. I don't react well to the stuff. I'm feeling better now---but still a tad jittery. I don't know how people can drink coffee all the time and not go insane.

I'm working on my new book. Again. I started it in November and after two chapters, I let it slide. I wrote my first book in about a month and a half, non-stop writing. This one, not so much. I should be more disciplined about my writing but then the creative side of me is less organized and more haphazard-messy-where-did-the-time-go.

I love my puppy more than I thought possible to love a puppy. While watching the new Star Wars movie last night, I kept thinking about her. My youngest says that Bella and I have a co-dependent relationship. I'm ok with that.

The reason I'm writing here on my blog is because I can't get into my writing account and am waiting on a response from the support people. See? I told you this was a random bit of blogging. I'm the one with a gazillion tabs open in my head, thank you ADD.

How can someone that was fiercely faithful suddenly become a non-believer? Perhaps 'suddenly' is a bit wrong. I don't believe it's a sudden thing, do you? One day you're a person of faith, so much so that you've gone on a mission, served faithfully at church, felt the burning of truth and the sweet peace that the Spirit speaks to your heart and the next day you mock your former faith and join the church of the spaghetti monster in the sky. You take up habits you eschewed your entire life. Does this happen little by little? Small grains of sand escaping from your previously faith-filled snowglobe until there is nothing left? I understand being tested---boy do I understand being tested and some of my greatest sorrow is believing that I have not endured my testing well. I haven't lost my faith over the trials that have been placed before me--but I have staggered under their combined weight. I have stumbled and fallen and I am so far from perfect that I can barely see adequate on my horizon.

One thing I have learned, besides the fact that God will force no man to heaven, is that the whole free agency, free will thing is very real. Also--I'm honestly not judging those who have left their faith--heaven knows I've been judged enough by others to know the pain of it all. I'm simply curious.

There has been another thing that has weighed heavily on me---and it's seeing a family disintegrate over situations that should have brought them together for a common goal. Backbiting, accusations, clandestine moves, gossip combined with some of the most uncharitable actions I've ever seen have driven a bitter wedge so deep into a family I know that I do not see any reconciliation happening in this life and perhaps not even the next. Communication between all of them would perhaps have stopped this horror from continuing. Because I have had more than enough on my plate, I have made it a point not to become involved, but that doesn't mean I haven't been watching. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. All of you.

And now for something much more sweet! We spent the day in Leavenworth last week where I purchased a jar of Peach Honey Creme. I'm sipping hot peach tea with some of this nectar in it as I write. It's delicious. If everyone in the world had a sweet puppy like Bella on their lap and a mug of hot sweet Peach Tea, we could avoid wars and Jerry Springer-esque family antics.

One more thing before I go. Is there someone out there that could create an app that would totally block any mention of the Kardashians in my social media feeds? I'd pay good money for that app. I'm sure there are a lot of people that would as well.




  2. You are my hero!


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Thank You

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Back on the horse
Monkey on his back
I see no light
Not even a crack
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Back to the lies
I see through his words
He can't hear my cries

Back into his soul
Back into his veins
The poison he pours
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Backed into a corner
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Back to the wall
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His eyes half open

Back into the horror
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I loved him with fury
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How did this happen
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How can he do this
Lines on his skin

Back to my weeping
Back to my sorrow
My son, my love,
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