Oh yeah. Really.
I had a conversation with my sister-in-law this week. She was up from Texas and staying with us for about five days. As we sat in the living room, we chatted about cats (we both love them) and family (we love them too) and then she recounted something I'd done in the past---but had no memory of doing. Not really. She said that I'd not liked one of her cats when my children were little, because he would scratch them. I was puzzled---but then I realized that yes, I would not have appreciated a feline scratching my babies.
I told her I was perhaps a bit uber protective of my offspring when they were toddlers. She sort of rolled her eyes as if to say, 'that's an understatement'
Then she went on to tell me something else I'd done as an overprotective mommy. I didn't recall that episode either. Perhaps there are too many for me to recall? They all blurred together? My gray matter has run out of RAM and is therefore dumping memory in order to make room for other memories?
Sure, lets go with that last one.
Sis-in-law was up because our nephew is dying from Cystic Fibrosis. Family from all over have flown in to see him and say their goodbyes. He's only 27 years old, but what an amazing young man he has become. He is at peace, and wishes to share that peace with others. I find his serenity comforting. My husband's grandmother is also near death and has been given the last rites in her church. My husband's uncle is also not doing so well and last week we discovered that the woman renting our home in Puyallup has died.
There seems to be a great deal of sorrow and death surrounding our family right now. I won't go into other, more personal matters that have given us tremendous heartache and pain recently. Suffice it to say, that there have been moments when I have been tapped out spiritually and emotionally in the past week. Second guessing decisions---very very painful and difficult decisions---and wondering if I am doing the right thing.
One evening I sat up most of the night, sobbing and crying out to the Lord for answers. To know whether or not a decision that my husband and I had made was the right one. I pled for release from the emotional agony I was suffering and then placed my burden in His hands.
There was immediate peace in my soul. I knew we had made the right decision---perhaps the most difficult one of our lives as parents---but I KNEW without a doubt that it was the right thing to do. The weight that was lifted off my shoulders was immense. My heart, which was previously torn and broken, was filled with assurance that all would be well.
I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I have been given incredible gifts in my life and blessings beyond measure. Through these trials and tribulations I have grown and continue to grow and become humbled through it all. I am thankful for answers to prayer.
God is good.