Saturday, January 28, 2012


Losing a friend has brought death to the forefront of my mind lately.

I know, right? The HUGE elephant that is in everyone's living room but is rarely acknowledged. I pondered this as I drove along the freeway this morning. As usual, it was chock full of cars and trucks and vans and all manner of motorized transportation. I looked at the vehicles and saw the people jockeying for position in a better lane than the one they were in, I saw people cut people off, not let someone in, let a car in or speed up to make certain there was no squeeze in space in front of them, lest they allow someone to get ahead. Everyone rushing, rushing, rushing. Pushing, pushing, pushing. Hurrying, in essence, to the very same place we're all heading; the loss of our mortal body and the freeing of our soul from it's earthly bonds.

My husband and I were talking about this tonight. He works so hard for us, day in and day out. I thank him constantly for what he does and he said, "You are all worth it". For that he got a great massage as we chatted. His poor back was in knots and HE was worth it. So we talked about death and life and love and what comes after. We've always said that we'd like to cross over together---that neither of us would want to be here without the other.

I'm sure that's a common sentiment among those who are very much in love and have been together as long as we have.... Twenty five years. Not long in the grand scheme of eternity, but eons if you're a Kardashian. Ok, yeah, that was a tangent and not a nice one. Sorry.

I've told him before, and I'll continue to tell him that he's the very best thing that has ever happened to me. Because of him, all the other wonderful things have followed. I do so love him. I think perhaps we may have done our children a disservice though. We've not modeled conflict resolution to them. We don't fight. We've had exactly two fights in our marriage, and both were my fault. So our offspring haven't actually seen a fight between us nor have they seen how we resolve a dispute. I feel badly about that, almost as badly as I feel about allowing my girls to watch all those Disney movies where the knight in shining white armor comes sweeping in to save the fair maiden and she's not complete until she HAS said shining knight. Barbies weren't much more of an example to them. Life isn't like that---not usually.

And although I *did* get my white knight and ours is a peaceful and a calm relationship---I know that many others are not and that does not mean they're not good relationships. I hope my children understand that you can have conflict and be upset, even angry, and still love the person you're having the argument with. And the whole Barbie thing gets me. I'm no one's idea of physical perfection but you know what? My white knight in shining armor has never ever criticized me for my physical shortcomings. Ever. I more than make up for that lack during my daily internal dialogue.

But back to death. As I was kneading hubby's back, we talked about the richness of our lives---and not in the monetary sense, in the things that money cannot buy. You can't take physical possessions with you when you go. So no matter how hard you jockey for position on the freeway, how hard you try to hold onto money or power, once you've stepped beyond this world all you take with you are the intangibles. Love, light, intelligence, what you've learned and the choices you've made along the way determine a great deal.

I'm so thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the knowledge I hold dear in my heart that this life is not all there is. I know I'll be with my amazing husband forever.

So let a car get in front of you, slow down a little bit, be kind. Everyone is heading in the same direction after all.


  1. duckgirl12:28 AM

    That was wonderful Pam!

  2. Beautifully written! I say Amen to all of it!! XOXO Jalyne

  3. Funny how we've been married the same amount of time. 1986 was a good year! lol. But I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel! Not that my hubby's and mine relationship is as calm as yours, but our daughters have told me many times it's hard to find a guy like their dad. They are so right. ;)
    AS for your friend dying, I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though we know where they are and that they are supremely happy, it's hard to have them gone out of our vision for a while.
    My hubby and I have often talked about how we wish we could both go at the same time. It's not likely to happen, but it will be sooo hard on whoever is left.
    We can only be thankful to Heavenly Father for the wonderful gift of the love we share.
    Keep smiling. ;)

  4. AMEN, darlin' Pammers, and unfortunately this D word has been in my life and mind wayyy too much lately--this was so beautifully written and expressed, as ALWAYS--I wanna be YOU when I grow up, ummm, seriously :) LOL....Thanks for putting this out there :) Hugs, Twizzy :)


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