Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I Accept Your Nomination

Pamela's column for Pacific Publishing April 2008

There are two kinds of people in this world, those who pay attention to things and those who don’t. And when I say ‘those who don’t’ I mean me. I don’t pay attention. If I’d been born into the age of ADHD, I’d have been diagnosed at birth.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Troeppl, but your daughter can’t focus enough to latch on to her bottle. I think she needs Ritalin”

“But…but…but she’s only two hours old!”

“Yep…worst case I’ve ever seen”

It hasn’t gotten any better. Coloring inside the lines of the pictures in my coloring books was never a problem, it was actually finishing any of the pictures. Mine were always half done. I’d forget I was roller skating at the roller rink and get run over by hordes of skaters because I was just standing there enjoying the sparkly lights shooting off of the mirror ball in the middle of the room.

I was once driving down the freeway lost in thought and heard a noise coming from the backseat. My heart started pounding out of my chest and my hands became sweaty on the steering wheel as I realized someone was in the car with me! I turned around to look, certain I was about to see some hideous car-jacking thug sitting in the backseat with a gun and noticed it was my two month old baby girl sitting in her car seat. Oh right! I had a baby now! Seems that had slipped my mind there for a few minutes.

Combine attention deficit disorder with a slight memory loss and turning on the television news each night to hear about the upcoming presidential election is an adventure each and every time. Osama who? Oh, Obama! And what’s that first lady doing? She’s not the first lady anymore…she’s what? She’s running for the presidency? Ooooh, right. And who’s that old white haired guy? McCain? What happened to Bush? He’s still there? Are you sure? Hmm. Ok.
Despite my attention deficit disorder, I think I’d be a better presidential candidate than most.

When that phone rings at 3 in the morning, I’ll be the one to answer it. Forget about Hillary or Obama and puhleese, McCain is out cold by 9 p.m. I’m the one that’s up and wide awake, not them. I don’t need caffeine, I have kids. I haven’t slept through the night since 1989. Obviously I’m the one best qualified to answer that phone and run this nation.

Qualifications you ask? What do I bring to the table? Well, food mostly. Iron Chef has nothing on me for creating successful meals on a shoe-string budget and feeding the masses. I could stretch fishes and loaves of bread longer than and have more leftovers than Rachel Ray ever dreamed possible. With the looming food shortages there is a need for someone like me in the White House. And I’m not saying that just so I can get free food for myself. I’m saying that because in the past 20 years I’ve made over 8,000 meals and I’m a little tired of cooking.

I can also pronounce the word nuclear. That alone gives me a leg up on some people.

I’ve often come under sniper fire from my teenagers. Oh sure, they don’t use real bullets but trust me when I say that if you get hit you’re going to know it. Learning to zig and zag, bob and weave, not to mention the fine art of playing dead are all skills I’ve mastered during my tour of parenting duty. My threat level assessment skills are top notch, although my color coding is somewhat different. The current Threat Level stands at Code Mauve.

Trust me when I say this nation needs cleaning up and I'm just the …I have….Hey look! Something shiny!

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Flash

That would be my son. You can see him, sort of, here in this picture. I'd placed dinner in front of the kids and he took one bite, said there isn't any cheese on the macaroni and then took off like....well, a flash. I managed to catch just a glimpse of him as he sped away.

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I swear that kid can move like the wind when he wants to. In the morning getting ready for school? Fugetaboutit. It's as though someone poured molasses into his veins and the temperature has dropped below freezing.

Ah yes, but when it suits him, he's like greased lightening.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Hiding

Remember when you were little and a game of hide-and-go-seek was THE most exciting game EVER? Well, of course you don't. You're old and you've forgotten. You probably stand on your front porch shaking your fist at the kids in your neighborhood and yell "Get Off My Lawn!!"

Or that could just be me.

Today my girls had a friend over and their giggles and laughter and joy filled the house. They engaged in a rousing game of hide-and-go-seek (which is different from the game of hide-and-go-poop that they used to play when they were much younger and less in control of their bowels, but I digress)

At one point Allison hid in the pots and pans cupboard in the kitchen. I snapped this with my cell phone as she was attempting to extricate herself.

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Was I ever that limber?

Don't answer that.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

My baby boy is 17

Chris turns 17 today. Since he's not going to be here with us for his birthday dinner (for some odd reason he'd rather be with his girlfriend) we had his birthday dinner last night. I made lasagna, garlic cheese bread, cesear salad and his favorite cheesecake for dessert.

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This morning we made scrambled eggs, bacon, french toast and juice and served it to him in bed.

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My baby boy is 17. How did that happen? Wasn't it yesterday that he looked like this?

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I don't think these two kids knew what they were getting into way back when they fell in love...

Saturday, April 19, 2008

And...she's off!

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Stephanie and Sarah left this morning for college. Two beautiful girls driving across the state. What was funny is that it was like they called each other to coordinate their outfits. Black pants and emerald green sweat shirts. Too funny.

The house is gonna be a whole lot quieter now....

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Back in the saddle again...

My eyes appear to have stabilized and so I'm about to open up my writing business again and climb back on that horse.

I have to. My little one keeps losing teeth and the Tooth Fairy needs those dollahs! She lost another molar last night. I think she's trying to bankrupt the Tooth Fairy.

Soooo.... Private Label Rights Writer is baaaaack!

I won't be taking on any more private clients for now until I'm sure my eyes can handle my Private Label Rights Writer commitments for my subscribers. Once I've established that and I have more time, I'll consider taking on one client a month, depending on the amount of work involved.

Thanks so much for your patience, prayers and emails. They've meant the world to me.

Friday, April 04, 2008

MIA

Sorry to have been gone for so long here. My eyes have been giving me serious trouble--so much so that I've had to shut down my writing bidness because I can't see the screen most days. At least not well enough to write--and that has taken a toll on me.

My eyes hurt most of the time. Weeeeee! Yes, I'm having fun.