It's like this...

BACK Back on the horse Monkey on his back I see no light Not even a crack Back to delusions Back to the lies I see through his words He can't hear my cries Back into his soul Back into his veins The poison he pours Dark liquid his chains Backed into a corner Heartbroken and torn Back into the needle The eye of the storm Back to the wall Soul bruised torn and broken Back to my pain His eyes half open Back into the horror Will he ever come back Back into the nightmare A needle in a sack Back into his childhood I loved him with fury Looking back on his life His choices my jury How did this happen Back to evil and sin How can he do this Lines on his skin Back to my weeping Back to my sorrow My son, my love, Has no more tomorrows (all rights reserved)

As you can see, we've had a lot of excitement recently. Life is always exciting. I love exciting!

I'm back in school---again! This is the third time I've attempted to finish my Bachelors degree. They say the third time is the charm. I'm into week three of my studies. It's amazing to me how my old brain can still rise to the challenge when I, er, challenge it. It's been an experience, that's for sure. I'm doing online school through BYU-I at the moment and one of the classes I'm taking is the Book of Mormon. I know for all you non-LDS people out there, this may seem odd and strange to you. That's perfectly all right. No one takes the same path in life, and isn't that wonderful? How very boring it would be if we were all carbon copies of each other! In my class I was required to watch six different video clips. I wanted to share one of the messages that struck me as particularly important. It's from a talk by Elder Bednar , one of the 12 living apostles we have today. (Note-that link does not take you to his talk but to anoth...

I heard a loud thud the other morning around 3:30 a.m. I checked my monitor but he'd once again turned it to the wall so I was unable to see if he was still in bed. I went downstairs right behind my sweet husband and dad was on the living room floor moaning and holding his head. He'd fallen. Hard. The first picture is the day of the fall. The second is the day after. The black eye keeps blossoming. He has a gash on his head, hidden by his silver hair and he skinned his shoulder/arm. He's a mess. Was he using his walker? Nope. 85 year old toddlers cannot be told what to do. Or rather, they can be told what to do, they simply won't comply. Ever. In fact they get down right angry and throw fits. It's not pretty. His physical therapist came to the house the next day and strongly told him to use his walker EACH TIME HE STOOD UP. Has he? Nope. Nyet. He was very angry with me yesterday because I kept asking him to use his walker. Also, I asked ...

I became a new parent about three weeks ago. One thing I forgot from my previous parenting experience was to always nap when they nap, or you're going to be exhausted. Well, I'm exhausted. He gets up at the crack of holy-crap-why-can't-you-just-sleep-past-5-o'clock every morning. (Not to mention at least four times a night) He naps during the day several times. I haven't napped but I did yesterday. I fell asleep on the couch...and what did he do? Got up by himself and did things he wasn't supposed to do unsupervised. Like shower. I have an 85 year old toddler who won't listen to reason. And yes, I understand that he's lost his ability to do most things that he loved---driving his big truck, working in his yard and other things---but his Parkinsons and his balance have made changes to everything that was once safe for him to do on his own. I love him dearly and am only trying to keep him safe. This tightrope I'm walking between daug...