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BACK

Back on the horse
Monkey on his back
I see no light
Not even a crack
Back to delusions
Back to the lies
I see through his words
He can't hear my cries

Back into his soul
Back into his veins
The poison he pours
Dark liquid his chains

Backed into a corner
Heartbroken and torn
Back into the needle
The eye of the storm

Back to the wall
Soul bruised torn and broken
Back to my pain
His eyes half open

Back into the horror
Will he ever come back
Back into the nightmare
A needle in a sack

Back into his childhood
I loved him with fury
Looking back on his life
His choices my jury

How did this happen
Back to evil and sin
How can he do this
Lines on his skin

Back to my weeping
Back to my sorrow
My son, my love,
Has no more tomorrows
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Recent posts

Life is exciting!

As you can see, we've had a lot of excitement recently. Life is always exciting. I love exciting!

Spiritual Protection

I'm back in school---again! This is the third time I've attempted to finish my Bachelors degree. They say the third time is the charm. I'm into week three of my studies. It's amazing to me how my old brain can still rise to the challenge when I, er, challenge it. It's been an experience, that's for sure. I'm doing online school through BYU-I at the moment and one of the classes I'm taking is the Book of Mormon. I know for all you non-LDS people out there, this may seem odd and strange to you. That's perfectly all right. No one takes the same path in life, and isn't that wonderful? How very boring it would be if we were all carbon copies of each other!

In my class I was required to watch six different video clips. I wanted to share one of the messages that struck me as particularly important. It's from a talk by Elder Bednar, one of the 12 living apostles we have today. (Note-that link does not take you to his talk but to another…

Elderly Abuse

I heard a loud thud the other morning around 3:30 a.m. I checked my monitor but he'd once again turned it to the wall so I was unable to see if he was still in bed. I went downstairs right behind my sweet husband and dad was on the living room floor moaning and holding his head. He'd fallen. Hard.


The first picture is the day of the fall. The second is the day after. The black eye keeps blossoming. He has a gash on his head, hidden by his silver hair and he skinned his shoulder/arm. He's a mess.

Was he using his walker? Nope. 85 year old toddlers cannot be told what to do. Or rather, they can be told what to do, they simply won't comply. Ever. In fact they get down right angry and throw fits. It's not pretty.

His physical therapist came to the house the next day and strongly told him to use his walker EACH TIME HE STOOD UP. Has he? Nope. Nyet. He was very angry with me yesterday because I kept asking him to use his walker. Also, I asked him i…

New Parenting

I became a new parent about three weeks ago. One thing I forgot from my previous parenting experience was to always nap when they nap, or you're going to be exhausted. Well, I'm exhausted. He gets up at the crack of holy-crap-why-can't-you-just-sleep-past-5-o'clock every morning. (Not to mention at least four times a night) He naps during the day several times. I haven't napped but I did yesterday. I fell asleep on the couch...and what did he do? Got up by himself and did things he wasn't supposed to do unsupervised. Like shower.

I have an 85 year old toddler who won't listen to reason. And yes, I understand that he's lost his ability to do most things that he loved---driving his big truck, working in his yard and other things---but his Parkinsons and his balance have made changes to everything that was once safe for him to do on his own. I love him dearly and am only trying to keep him safe.

This tightrope I'm walking between daugh…

I'm Sick. And the election isn't helping.

I spoke too soon about feeling better. My grandson was delightful enough to share his virus with me, so I've spent the past five days losing everything from both ends. It hasn't been pretty.

As a weight loss program though...

At least one end of me has stopped spewing. Now I wait for the other end to stop pretending to be filled with hot lava and erupting without much notice. Sorry, this is what is called over-sharing. Apparently I'm very good at it. You're welcome.

Last night I walked around the block with hubby and our adorable puppy. It was the first time I've been out of the house in five days. It was lovely, even though I was very shaky. Today I actually tried to accomplish something. I sat at my jewelry table, moved my seaglass around. Picked up pieces and played them through my hands. Such beautfy that came from something considered useless garbage and tossed away. I love my sea glass. It gives me the happies.

I also had a severe case of J…

Was it enough?

Was I enough today? Did I do enough?

It never feels like enough. I made an extra large apple crisp and a pot of applesauce. For dinner I roasted and stuffed acorn squash with quinoa, sage, thyme, fresh cranberries, mushrooms, garlic, and onions. I flea combed Bella twice. I sat at my table full of sea glass but couldn't come up with anything more creative than running some of my gorgeous glass through my hands.

I cleaned the kitchen. Scrubbed the stove. I played on snapchat with my father. I put him on different filters and watched him laugh and laugh. He came into my room just as I was reading my scriptures. I fed my father lunch and breakfast. Lunch was sweet potato zoodles with Parmesan, bacon, spinach, eggs, onions and some garlic. It was leftover from dinner last night. He liked it. I gave him a bottle of water. He doesn't drink enough water.

I spent far too much time on Facebook and Instagram today. Not enough time moving. I need to move more. I've been sick for th…