It's like this...

I didn't get up this morning planning to eat four Starbucks cake pops. Truth be told, they are kind of disgusting. Which added to my disgusting feeling of disgust with myself. I was going to eat clean today. Maybe even vegetarian. Drink lots of water. Walk a lot. Be a good human. Not a disgusting one. Nope. Didn't happen. Might happen tomorrow. Not having a job or a schedule isn't good for my health. I do better when I have deadlines, schedules and plans. Left to my own devices I am a walking disaster. You may have noticed (and by 'you' I mean me because I don't think anyone reads this blod any longer) that I've begun to be brutally honest in my blogging. Not that I wasn't honest in my past ten to fifteen years of blogging, I was. But this time it's different. I'm not hiding the blemishes, the stains on the carpeting from spilled milk that was left too long, cheerios down seat cushions or my many weaknesses. So, so very man...

I brought a load of whites up from the basement just now. This might not seem like much to you but trust me, it's significant. I don't do laundry. Not for years. Oh, I'll fold laundry when it's laid before me, sure. And I've put the odd load on when it's vitally necessary, but generally this is my husband's forte. I cook, bake, clean the kitchen, do the bills and most of the grocery shopping. Dear sainted husband separates the whites from the colors, adds the detergent and makes sure the lint trap is cleaned. He keeps us clothed. Just me and him, because the three kids still at home do their own laundry. At least we taught them that much. I'm depressed. No surprise there, at least not for me. I've battled this monster for years. Have I kept it well hidden from the rest of my world? Perhaps. Or perhaps not as well as I believe I have. I suppose I'm what you could call a functioning depressive? I know there are functioning alcoholics, functioning...

Hello Summer 2016. To be fair, we're already halfway through so I'm a bit late with my greeting. I'm not going to say that 2016 has been a horrible year, but if it were a meal I ordered I'd get a whopping case of e-coli from it. I know, I know....count your blessings Pam. Count your blessings. I do have many--one of which is my delightful grandson Enzo. I've been lucky enough to be able to watch him this summer after he was kicked out of his daycare/preschool due to behavior issues. Enzo was diagnosed with autism this year and so things have been a little difficult. He's in therapy a few times a week and has already made amazing progress. So very grateful for that. So very. I lost my job at the end of the school year. Yeah, that was unpleasant. I wasn't fired, and my evaluations have been stellar for the past seven years. I loved my job and was devastated to have lost it. It was three hours a day in the school district as the Homeless Edu...