Monday, October 15, 2012

Thank you CATDOAH

As I've stated before, I have a condition called, "Cries At The Drop of a Hat" Or, CATDOAH. Sounds like a country dance, doesn't it?

"All right everybody! Grab yer partner tight and CATDOAH!"

Sadly, my condition is not that fun.

I received a note in the mail that made my CATDOAH break out and break out BAD. Or good, depending on your POV. That's 'point of view' for those who say IDK. Which means, 'I don't know'. Yeah, I know. I try to keep up on all the cool teen-speak. I might just have a handle on it by the time they've all grown and left the nest. Then it will be PLUDHK! (Party Like You Don't Have Kids), but we do and so we don't. Party, I mean. It's been a long time.


Anyway, back to the CATDOAH caused by this card from a sister in my ward. In the first place, I'm pretty sure I didn't deserve what she said. Oh, it was nice. Very nice. Nice in the extreme and very complimentary. Which is what caused the whole CATDOAH outbreak.

It's just that I don't feel like I deserve her words. Here's what she wrote:

Dear Pam,
I just wanted to write you a quick note to let you know we've been thinking about you. You have been an amazing example to so many people of faith and trust in the Lord--of love, patience and humility. I'm sure that at this point you'd love to quit having to be an example made out of you, but know that you are loved by so many people and that the Lord is acutely aware of you. We continue to pray for the Lord's healing & blessings to be poured out upon your family.

Yes, I would very much like to quit having any sort of example made out of me, unless I could be an example of a gorgeous swimsuit model's body, but we all know that ain't happenin'.

I was skyping with my best friend a bit ago. We were talking and laughing and then BOOM!, my CATDOAH reared it's ugly face. I'm thankful for her and that I have someone I can share my sorrow and my joys with. Don't get me wrong---I share them with my husband, we love each other dearly and are very close. I'm so thankful for him---but it's nice to have a girlfriend who is also a parent and has experienced some of the same trials and joys that you have. Thank-you-un-named-best-friend-you. :) And thank you very much, sister in my ward, for the sweet and tender note you sent to me. I don't know that I'm doing anything that anyone else hasn't or wouldn't do as a mom and wife---but thank you. Your words were precious to me. Gracias.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

She's Fourteen. Watch Out World!

My baby turned 14 on Saturday. Fourteen. Four-teen. Wow. I know the next statement should be the age old question, "how did this happen?". Wasn't it just yesterday they were telling me my baby was dying and racing me into the operating room to crash me and rip her from my body in order to save her life. A hasty priesthood blessing and the assurance that all would be well and I was rendered unconscious.

And all was well. IS well, after a manner of speaking. While her disability is evident to some, it isn't to others. She compensates well. Very well. Sometimes---just sometimes---I get a little catch in my heart when I see her right hand all twisted and bent, or watch her gait as she walks---but walk she does. No wheelchair or walker needed, thankyouverymuch. But sometimes.....just....sometimes.....and I never ever let her see my tears over her physical disabilities.

Who knew motherhood could be so tender and full of anguish and hopeful all at the same time? Oh how I love the gospel and the knowledge that my baby will one day walk as normally as everyone else. That the pain in her hips and legs and joints is a temporary thing here on this earth. How thankful I am for the knowledge of the resurrection and that imperfection will put on perfection. Her physical issues are paltry in comparison to so many others. I know this.

It was a beautiful birthday party for my baby girl. We surprised her with tickets to see Carrie Underwood at the Seattle Arena. This was her very first concert. She came home so excited that I don't believe her feet hit the floor. Thanks, Bonnie and Roger, for making this gift to her possible. Thank you so very much.

Happy fourteenth little one. I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be :)

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Waiting Patiently on the Lord

Am I enduring well
Am I
Sometimes it's hard to tell
I'm not crying as much
is that progress
I don't know
My heart is lighter
wings of prayer
lifting me up
lighting my way
Am I enduring well
Am I
Is chasing the painful thought away and out
is that enduring well?
If I don't see her face in my heart
Is that enduring well
I believe I said yes to this
Only I don't remember
Would I have
If I'd known the heartache
the pain
the burning tears and the sleepless nights
Would I have been so eager
Yes, Lord
I'll take this child
Give her to me
No one will understand her
I will
Will I?
Am I enduring well
Am I
I'm weary with worry
Who will love her
Who will love him
Who is this child, Lord
Am I enduring well
Am I
Am I

Sunday, October 07, 2012

Chavez, Capriles, and Hope

This weekend was, for me, a mixed bag. On the one hand, I was lifted and spiritually fed by listening to General Conference from Salt Lake City. Words of counsel, of wisdom and of hope, from our beloved Apostles and Prophet. Good men all.

And on the other hand, the voting in Venezuela went awry---probably with the help of Chavez and his minions. He has done such damage to my beloved Venezuela. My heart weeps for my friends there. I pray there is no violence. It's bad enough as it is to live there and suffer one of the highest murder rates in the world. You cannot walk the streets without fear of robbery or worse.

It's a very sad day for Venezuela.

Tomorrow I will make arepas and Platanos fritos and carraotas negras and pray that Venezuela will one day be free.

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Family Home Evening

Last night was Family Home Evening at our house. This is a Monday night thing---we get together as a family. We sing songs, have a lesson, talk about the week and share scriptures. Sometimes we have a game, but not generally.

Last night, my Allison gave the lesson. It was on gratitude. I'm pretty sure she didn't read my last blog post, so this was awesome in and of itself. She gave a beautiful lesson and then asked each one of us to name five things were were grateful for. There were the usual, 'grateful for my family' etc, but two things stood out to me.

When Ashley was naming the five things she was most thankful for---she said, "I'm grateful for my disability. It's made me the person I'm supposed to be."

I got all teary eyed. (For those of you that don't know, she had a stroke in the womb and has cerebral palsy on her right side). Isn't it wonderful that a catastrophic event that still at times brings pain to the heart of a mother, can be viewed as a blessing by the child it was visited upon?

When it was Allison's turn to name the five things she was most grateful for, she said, "I am so thankful for the gospel and the foundation it has given me in my life. I don't know where I'd be without it. I know it wouldn't be a good place, so I'm very, very grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ."

Again, tears. But as you can see HERE, my eyes have leaked a great deal of late. And not only in a bad way.

So what are YOU thankful for?