I feel I should apologize to you. We've been together for several years and lately I don't seem to have time for you. I know it might sound trite, but it's not you, it's me.
Entirely me. And my circle of family and friends and work. They wring me out each day and hang me out to dry each night.
You see, I have four children. I worry. I don't sleep. I worry some more. I pray. Sometimes falling to my knees is the only way to gather up enough strength to soldier on in this war---and make no mistake--this is a war. Light and darkness on opposing sides, each tugging for those souls in the middle and neither willing to give an inch. Sometimes I wonder if I'm equipped to lead these particular skirmishes. My training seems inadequate at times, my heart heavy and my head bowed. I keep taking blows, am occasionally knocked down but I always manage to put myself back on my feet because I'm not in this fight alone. Someone is always there to lift me up. Light will win eventually. Of that I am certain. But oh....the weariness of the battle weighs on me.
Death is also weighing heavily upon me. It should not come knocking on doors of those I love so dearly. Though I know that death is not the end, it is the suffering that is endured before the soul is separated from the body that wrenches the heart. It's a kind of birthing process--ending the mortal existence and being born into the eternal. Pain is the accompaniment of death. The two walk together for a time. Struggle for breath and the inability of those on the sidelines of this process to do anything but feel helpless takes it's toll as well. My heart is heavy and my head is again bowed with pain and tears.
Work has become something to bury myself in at times, although the suffering I see there is another reminder of the war between light and darkness. Children suffering for the poor choices of others, torn from their homes and put into harsh situations through no fault of their own. Innocence taken. Darkness is the victor too often here.
I am weary and battle worn but I will not wave a white flag. I refuse.
So, dear blog, please forgive me. I've been busy. When things slow down I'll be back. I promise.