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You think you know embarrassing?

Remember how your mom always told you to change your underwear every day just in case you got into an accident? You know, so you wouldn't be embarrassed at the hospital as they were cutting your dirty underwear off of you and wrinkling their noses at your poor personal hygiene as they tried to save your life. Your dirty, unwashed, unclean life.

I bet your mommy never told you to to make sure you didn't allow someone to paper your legs with Pokemon tatooes in case you got into an accident, did she? No, she missed that one.

I got tattooed the other night. Big time. No needles were involved, just about forty colorful Pokemon tattoos up and down my right leg, all over my foot and a few on my left foot. This is what happens when you don't pay attention to what your nine year old girl is doing to you. My excuse? I was writing a column on a deadline, so I just...you know....wasn't paying attention to the lower half of my body.

So you know I had to get into an accident. Just so no one would take me seriously.

Ashley and I had just finished paying at the checkout for some groceries and I was pushing the cart towards the door when my left leg shot out in front of me causing me to go down hard (with all my weight---yes, ALL) on my right knee. I then twisted and landed fully on the floor. Oh, this was fun.

I have vague memories of hearing people oooh and ahhh as if I'd just landed a difficult gymnastics routine. I thought about raising my arms in the air in a flamboyant finish, but I was too busy whimpering in pain.

After a few moments I managed to get to my feet and hobble to the side where I watched the pizza lady come out from behind her counter with a huge wad of paper towels and wipe up all the water on the floor that was the apparent cause of my enormously popular acrobatic maneuver. Another lady came over and said she saw the whole thing. A guy with the floor washing machine had come by pushing his machine--not using it, just pushing it---and dumped a whole bunch of water. Right there. You know, where I landed.

So the nice WinCo lady took down the particulars of my fall and then said she'd have to take a picture of my leg. I looked down.

Forty Pokemon were smiling up at me. Crystal looked at me. I looked at her. Hey, at least I was wearing clean underwear.

(I went to the doctor later that day and he checked me out. Before he examined me, he knelt down and attempted to name all the Pokemon on my leg. Oooh yeah, he was enjoying this far too much. When he moved my left leg in such a way that I screamed, he said I'd pulled my medial collateral Ligament and strained my back. He said I'd feel much worse today than I did then. I hate it when he's right. Now I'm frustrated because I can't move very well, I'm in pain and I'm supposed to be packing for our move! Plus I have to take Ashley to see the Neuro at Children's Hospital this week. I didn't need this right now. I really didn't)

Comments

  1. Anonymous7:49 PM

    this is TOO funny! So sorry about your pain but at least you kept your sense of humor and Crystal had fun, lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dave5:32 AM

    Sympathy. I'm trying to keep ahead of my packing schedule, because I just know I'm going to collapse at some stage, and won't be able to finish.

    ReplyDelete
  3. G. Parker9:12 AM

    Oh man!! You know when it rains it pours! Take care and use lots of ice packs!! ARen't we glad we have children??? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Unknown3:49 PM

    Thanks everyone. I'm still limping along but my back seems to be worse--not getting better and spasming. This makes doing what I need to do very difficult.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Vicus Scurra1:54 AM

    "wasn't paying attention to the lower half of my body. "
    That's how you got the 9 year old in the first place.
    Never learn, do you?

    ReplyDelete

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