It's like this...

I've been doing a bit of research on abuse, domestic violence and how it usually ends. It's not pretty and it's painful and I hurt every time I read another woman's tale of horror. Did you know that emotional abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse? And that most emotional abusers continue on to become physical abusers? I didn't. I do now. I found a site where formerly abused women, on the path to recovery from their abusers, have written poems. This one below is one that haunted me. Thank You You wooed me with poetry I bit on the hook Had I only first read The name of the book I would have avoided The very first page For pages kept turning Revealing the rage The ups were a great high The ride was a bash But I rode with my eyes closed To avoid seeing the crash I knew it would come soon But I never knew when The rage and the leaving And the path to the end You had to control things Determined you would Emotionally destroying me...

In the past ten months, our family has experienced the following: 1. Three Northwest Hospital ER visits. 2. Eighteen Children’s Hospital ER visits. 3. Three surgeries on an Achilles tendon. 4. One surgery lengthening an arm tendon and transferring two other tendons. 5. One lovely ride in a Medic One 6. A bone infection due to a root canal gone terribly wrong. 7. Two oral surgeries. 8. Four hospital stays 9. One Harborview ER visit 10. Our car’s transmission went out so we are down to one vehicle, meaning I get up at the crack of Didn’t-I-just-go-sleep, take hubby to work, come home and get two offspring up. I take one to high school, one to middle school. I go to work, go pick up my husband, pick up high schooler, pick up middle schooler, lather, rinse and repeat ad nauseam. 11. We lost our beautiful home....and 12. Our dog died. Toss in an unwed pregnancy and our lives just became a country song---without the beer of course. Or the gun rack in the pickup truck. ...

I'm home from church today.... I was greatly looking forward to going, for two reasons; One, my husband is speaking and two, my older sister Cheri is coming. It would have been wonderful. However, my place is here at home, keeping my child safe and watching over her. There is no manual for us, as the parents of this very unique and troubled child. There just isn't. We do what we think is right, we pray and pray and pray for guidance. And sometimes....we wonder where the 'joy in our posterity' is to be found. Struggles overwhelm us, as we try to find that joy in small moments. Sadly, they are few and far between. Still, we try. Last night Lance and I sat down with some very dear friends of ours. Their struggles are difficult and some of theirs are like ours, so we had much to talk about. It felt wonderful to talk with someone who understands, someone who is going through the parenting trenches with children who have special needs, and with a typical chil...

I'm going to be brutally honest with all of you. Well, all two of you that may have continued to read my blog. I hope that once you read this, you will continue to be my friends and/or family. I DO NOT LIKE MOTHER'S DAY I really don't. Not anymore. Oh, there were times I loved the celebration of my being a mom, when my four offspring were younger. I remember little handprints on papers in bright colors, crafty mother's day gifts from elementary school that my babies were dying to give to me. Some couldn't wait until Sunday and I was given those gifts as they climbed down from their yellow school buses the Friday before a Mother's Day. Eyes bright with the joy of giving me something they had made themselves. There were breakfasts in bed. One Mother's Day my two youngest girls slaved in the kitchen and brought me a plate of food that did not in fact look like something edible. Since they knew my favorite color was pink, they used some food colori...