It's like this...

I was in the same house I'm in right now....only I wasn't living here. I lived further north with my husband and four children, but I was sleeping in this house. Actually, I'm not sure you could call it sleeping. Mom was dying from kidney cancer that had metastasized over her entire body. Her hospital bed was set up in the dining room and I was 'sleeping' on the couch near her in the living room to take care of her during the night. My sister and I took turns. Mom was sort of quiet that night eight years ago. When morning came my sister arrived to take over the day shift and I kissed my mom goodbye and went to get my children off to school. When I got home my sister called and told me to come right back. Mom was much, much worse. She died that morning, with her family around her. I can't believe it's been eight years that you've been gone mom. Tonight while Ash was at church for a meeting, Lance and I walked across to the cemetery nearby where...

My mouth is attempting to kill me yet again. I'm sure it's because last week I had this precise thought: "It's so nice to not have ANY pain anywhere. I feel SO good!" Time was you could think things like that and not be struck down. (Get off my lawn!) I'm guessing those times are gone. It's kind of like when you suddenly find yourself with a bit of extra money and you think...wow, this doesn't happen that often. It feels fun, it gives you a boost of extra security and then WHAM! The tranny on your car dies a horrible death and *POOF*! Not only is your extra $ gone but you're in a the hole just that much more. We used to never talk about *extra* money around our vehicles because we learned that for some horrifically costly reason, THEY KNEW WE HAD EXTRA MONEY!!! Not only did they know, but they were determined to suck it from us as soon as possible. Much like congress, but that's another rant subject entirely. Then we would whisper abou...

I'm not worthy....I'm not worthy! Picture me scraping and bowing as I say this to all those parents who home school their children. Either your children are tiny angels, wings and all and my child is ....shall we say, sans wings? Because this. did. not. work. Ashley Rose was DYING to be home schooled. She begged to be home schooled. She promised she'd do her studies, her homework, her life would be amazing if ONLY SHE WERE HOME SCHOOLED! So we yanked her out of school and plunked her headfirst into...... Wait for it...... A MONTH AND A HALF VACATION!!! Oh sure, it was called HOME SCHOOL in OUR minds, but in HER mind? No. Not even close. It was called I-can-sleep-in-until-11-every-day-now! And I-can-stay-up-until-midnight-every-night!. It was also called I-will-watch-every-video-on-youtube-and-every-Hannah-Montana-episode-available-until-my-eyes-bleed. Oh, in her mind it was called many, many things. The ONE thing it was NOT called was SCHOOL. So I bow and say I...

Day after day. Seems like that on occasion. Not the lost part, but the fish bowl thing is accurate. It's been a busy couple of weeks. I keep forgetting to update my blog. Yes, I know, you're devastated. Bereft. I have a good excuse though. I've been sleepless a bit lately...mostly because my oldest is serious about a young man. Things like this send my mind wandering back to when I too became serious with a young man and the talks my mother used to have with me... I find myself day by day, hour by hour, turning more and more into my mother. I find myself understanding her better. Again. My first real understanding of her came when I became a mom for the first time with my girl who is now seriously dating a young man. The second time I remember the third big enlightenment and understanding of my mother arrived in my heart and mind when I had teenagers. And the third overwhelming understanding came when my youngest was diagnosed with her stroke and all the terror of t...

er, I mean Kingston. Same thing for me really. I love the beach cabin. I love the beach. I love the smell of the campfire and the eagles soaring and the sea lions. Did I mention I love it over there? Alli wanted a weekend away, so a weekend away is what we got. The weather the first afternoon was kind of iffy, but Sunday was glorious. that's me and my man, but I think there was something on the lens of my cell phone camera so it's kind of blurry. Ashley took that of us. We were discovered on that side of the water by Lance's side of the family and were forced to participate in a brunch. It was HEAVEN. I love them...so nice to see them as we see them so rarely. I have a few more pics and videos that I'll post later. Suffice it to say...I did not want to come home.