It's like this...

I can't remember many costumes I wore as a child. I asked my father on the phone this morning if he could recall any of my halloween costumes and this is what he said to me: "No, you just dressed like you usually did and when the people answered the door they'd scream in horror. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" This from the man who used to give me the following advice when I was going out at night: "Just make sure that when someone grabs you, they do it in the light so they can see your face. Once they see it, they'll let you go" Self-esteem builders for sure. He was joking of course. At least I think he was. I do remember one costume I wore as a child. I used to have hair down to my rear. One Halloween I flipped my head over, brushed the hair down then put a pair of my grandpa's glasses over the hair on the front of my face. I was Cousin It from The Adams Family . I recall using paper grocery sacks for trick or treating and most Halloweens it seemed to rai...

It's hard to believe that this boy playing his guitar for me as I made dinner this evening was the same maniac who filled his pumpkin with gasoline and set it on fire last night. I was making stirfry for dinner, one of his favorites. Some chicken, water chestnuts, carrots, broccoli, a sweet onion and my secret ingredients. He loves it. After a bit The Daddy joined in and they jammed some incredible tunes for me. Then they played The House of the Rising Sun while I belted it out. Such fun. I love little unexpected sweet moments like this... I live for them. And no pumpkins were harmed. An added bonus.

My son is insane. I say this with affection and love, but with the conviction borne of having known him these fifteen years and 7 months. He almost didn't make it to fifteen years and 8 months. Today he carved his pumpkin. It is a small pumpkin, a tiny one in fact. He did it quickly, and at one point was having difficulty getting the knife into the gourd, so he stuck it between his legs and took the knife down there to cut it! "STOP THAT!! I would like to have grandchildren by you at some point in time. You + sharp knives close to your bits and pieces reduces that prospect considerably! Are you insane??" He mocked me for being 'over protective' as usual. This from the son who has placed his fingers into a blender, jumped from a second story onto a trampoline and been drug by a dirtbike about 20 feet into traffic. So yes, this was me being 'over protective'. After the carving, he disappeared for a minute and then went out the sliding glass door ...

Here is a cool little place to go and take a time out from life and carve yourself a cute little pumpkin. I stole this from my friend's blog What on earth is that smell? It was steal-worthy. Also, if you like fruit, and specifically bananas as art, you may wish to indulge yourself and go here . Try to find the one that's my favorite and you win a prize.

The girls are cleaning their room. If they were to do it right, they would be there in their room for the next five days or so. It's not dirty, it's just messy , as only little girls can be. They fling their stuffed animals and toys all over the place. Their clothes are pulled from drawers and tossed onto the floor as they search for just the right ensemble for second grade. You can never be too careful in your clothing choices. At any rate, they are doing this amazing feat without complaint and do you want to know why? Because I promised to take them to the pool this morning if they did so. Nothing lights a fire under them faster than the promise of chlorine laced water. So I'll go play with them and this time hubby wishes to stay home and get some things done around here. He too them to the carnival last night, I'll take them to the pool this morning. Tag team parenting. It works. Tonight there is the Trunk or Treat at our church for the kiddies. Everyo...

Today was beautiful. Especially after the strain of yesterday. Lovely blue skies, a nice pool workout this morning and a leisurly drive out in the country while the children were at school. I found some adorable little lakes south of me, surrounded by the oranges and reds and yellows of leaves trading their summer greens for fall brilliance. Tiny vacation cottages dotted the sides of the lakes, some built down steep inclines so harrowing that I wonder how the people that live there manage to climb down to their homes without injury. Where they live probably compensates for any possible downside. I feel refreshed. I drove to the end of long deserted roads, turned off my engine and got out of my car to listen to the silence. Breathing fresh mountain air, touched with the kiss of woodsmoke from someone's beachside fire, I marveled at the beauty I am surrouned by. Solitude can be a wonderful thing. I wish I'd not forgotten my camera. Tonight my husband has taken our two young...

I'm whining today. I think I have the right. My friend's mom sells Cookie Lee Jewelry and I agreed to host a party for her at my home tonight. I sent out about twenty invitations via the mail and I only had two people call me to say they couldn't come. Two. Two kind people called to let me know they would not be able to make it. The rest ignored the invitation. I cleaned my house, I made two apple crisps. This afternoon I called everyone I sent invitations to. I know people are busy. I get that. it's not that I'm not busy either. I'm just...disappointed in people. I feel let down. Silly of me, huh? But I do. Good thing I have apple crisp and vanilla ice cream for my family tonight. On a positive note, I went to the pool this morning and had a nice workout. Felt better for having done that and plan on going tomorrow as well. Now I'm getting the 'what's for dinner mooooom???' queries. I think tonight it will be fast food. I...

My father and my sister came to my house to pick up the beagle today. What I didn't realize is that six other people were coming to my house as well. Thank goodness my kitchen was cleaned up the night before, or I'd have been embarrassed. My brother came with two of his neighbors, my niece came with her two children. All I had in the house was a bag of chips and some salsa. So that's what they got. My father held his great-granddaughter Taylor and you can see how happy they both were. Isn't she a little doll? Sis held Taylor while Papa let her have her first taste of chips. When Ashley and Ally came home from school, the first thing Ashley wanted to do was hold the baby. She loves babies, much like her Mommy. I am so blessed in the love of my family, immediate and extended.

Oh puhleeeese let me in! This is my new house guest. My father's little Beagle. She's spent some time outside in the backyard and she's not liking it much. I've just let her in and she's very much the happy doggy now.

He lives! The angiogram went well for my father today. It took me two hours to get to his house this morning because rush hour traffic was so bad. I'm very grateful that I don't have to drive in that on a daily basis. Here he is in all his hospital gown glory. That's my sister sitting down. Dad was nervous, but he settled right down after they gave him a sedative. Julie and I went and had a salad at the hospital cafeteria and talked about a lot of things. When the nurse came to get us, she was smiling and I immediately felt good about everything. The bottom line is that there isn't anything they can do surgically for the vessels that go to the lower part of his heart because they are too small for a stent. They said that the doctor will be giving him some different medications to help with symptoms. Sooooooooo.... he had to stay flat on his back for the following six hours. He wasn't too happy about that, but he did it. Julie did some cleaning up at his ho...

Tonight we saw our son off on his maiden voyage first date. Personally, I don't believe he should be dating until he's twenty, but that's just me. Tonight was the homecoming dance at his high school. I was informed that he needed a tux on Wednesday. Dance on Saturday. Riiight. That was happening. We met in the middle by buying him his first suit. (Alms for the poor.....alms for the poor) So Thursday evening he and I set out in search of a suit. Today, the very day of the dance, we asked him if he'd thought about a corsage. Of course not! He's only human, why were we putting so much pressure on him? He didn't even want to go! He could have mentioned that before the big bucks were shelled out for the suit, shirt, tie, socks, belt and shoes, but nooooooooo. Hubby and I drove him over to the girl's house. Actually he drove us , so as to, you know, look cooler. Here they are. The clueless couple happy couple. "Hey, what are these things?...

My arms hunger to hold the you that was tiny, precious, new skin to skin changings feedings mouth to breast heart to head tiny fist curled around my finger nights spent listening inhale exhale sweet breath of life in and out out and in miraculous I your universe you mine butterfly kisses midnight cuddles unconditional forever and beyond My arms hunger to hold the you that was yesterday diaper changes lotions belly kisses giggles today college boys fists that once curled around now open outward reaching going leaving My heart hungers to hold the you that was eyes struggle to see tousled blond curls is it ok mommy can I mommy look mommy Goodbye mommy Oh how my arms my arms my heart they hunger they hurt ~Pamela 10/20/06

I was with a good friend last night, crying my eyes out and realizing how long it had been since I'd really had a good cry. There is something cathartic to letting it all fall from your eyes and let it go. I felt better for having done so. It's nice to have a friend with good strong shoulders and a listening ear. Especially one that can make you laugh in the middle of your own pity party. Thanks darlin'. You're solid gold. I have a lovely calligraphy piece that is framed and hangs in my family room. It was given to me by a wonderful former neighbor with a big heart. It reads: Our family is a circle of strength and love-With every birth and every union, the circle grows. Every joy shared adds more love. Every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger. Our circle is a strong one.

Ashley now has pneumonia.... Oh, and my sister has been called back to the boob-squishing department. Seems there is a suspicious asymetrical mass in her right breast. I do believe we've won the bad news trifecta here! Don Pardo, tell her what she's won! Well Pamela, pack up those bags under your eyes because you've JUST won the exciting opportunity to administer breathing treatments every three hours to your little girl! Yes Pamela, you'll be waking her up in the middle of the night and having a party! But that's not all! Pretty soon those matching bags under your eyes will be sent on an all expense paid expensive trip to Seattle to wait for the results of your father's angiogram and possible heart surgery while simultaneously awaiting the results of your sister's biopsy! Who could ask for anything more?

This is my father. Eight years ago he had a triple bypass on his heart. Today he flunked a treadmill stress test. The cardiologist said the bottom part of his heart is not functioning. Monday he will have an angiogram done at the hospital, and if the results are bad, there are two things that can happen. They will either want to do another coronary heart bypass on him , or put in some coronary stents . My father has already told told us that if he ever has to have another bypass, he will refuse the procedure and just let nature take it's course. I want to respect his wishes, but I also want him to be alive and kicking for many years to come. This makes me wish that I had moved this summer so that we could be there to take care of him.

Google brings the most interesting people here. Today someone googled 'back spasm' and landed here. I'm blaming them for my current spinal pain. I have been in agony today. Someone googled 'bad news from the dentist' and their search brought them here. It's true, I've had a lot of bad news from dentists in my life time, and I expect quite a bit more. I have four children. There is no escape. Another googler from Quebec arrived on my doorstep (figuratively) by typing in the words 'don't cry over spilled milk'. There has been a great deal of spilled milk in my life. I can't recall ever having cried over it. Another visitor from Chile came to visit me via searching for 'earpiercing' pictures. Two of my children did have their ear's pierced this year, so I suspect that was bound to happen. Someone in Massachusettes came by looking for 'girls in' Not sure what the girls were in exactly, and I'm not quite sure I w...

...is a little stretch of sand, where an old beach cabin sits. The beach cabin is my happy place, where I'd willingly toss aside everything and spend the rest of my days. We spent this past weekend there, hoping to scrape one more sandy, sunny time from the dregs of summer before we officially call it quits and haul out our winter clothing. It was a good thing we brought some of those winter garments with us, as the nights were quite chilly and the last day was downright frigid and rainy. The first night I took Ally and Ash, and our doggie Cassie. This was Cassie's first real beach trip with us, and she did wonderfully. You see, Cassie doesn't travel well. She usually tosses her cookies at some point in the journey, making an unpleasant time for all. This time she had her own space in the back of the suburban and all was right with the world. As you can see here, she loved the beach. I'd also invited Jen and my her boys, Dillon and Daniel and their doggie Dor...

Ally awoke early yesterday morning to witness the messy, queasy, bloody miracle of birth. Momma kitty had her babies, beginning around five a.m. I put her in a box with towels in it for the first birth. On my bed. (The cat, not my daughter) This is where Allison viewed the first messy miracle. She (Allison) did turn a bit green as she realzed the mommy was actually chewing off the umbilical herself and then my poor girl nearly keeled over as she saw the afterbirth being consumed. She asked me why the cat was doing that and I said that's what mommies do. Her eyes got huge and she said, "You didn't have to do that, did you??" Now some have opined that I should have said yes, as that answer would have been useful as a new form of birth control for my daughters. Had my eldest been there, I might have said yes, but seeing as it was my sweet and innocent Ally, I told her the truth. Here is the first kitten. It appears to be all white. I do not have a picture of th...

Momma kitty started giving birth around five this moring. So far we have four kittens. I do believe there are more in her tummy. Pictures to follow.

Poor angel, the meds made her sick, gave her entire body the hives, and we had to go to urgent care. Now she's on steroids for her breathing, a different antibiotic for the pneumonia and another kind of albuterol for the nebulizer. Tomorrow we're going back in again.

Our baby girl turned 8 on Friday. It was a difficult day for her, because her sister Ally was so sick. Right before I was supposed to get Ashley her birthday lunch from McDonalds and take cupcakes to her second grade class, Allison threw up all over the place. I wasn't sure I should leave her alone, so I called the school and asked to speak to Ashley to let her know that Allison was worse and that I wouldn't be able to come. Poor Ash...she was so upset. I managed to dash over the McDonalds and pick up her lunch and get over to the school in time to see her coming around the corner, clutching a lunch tray with a plain hamburger and a chocolate milk on it. She was crying. I felt about as horrible as you can feel. I sat with her and we shared some Mcnuggets and I tried to comfort her. I explained that I'd be back later with the cupcakes. It did not go well. Later in the afternoon we had a better time because we had her birthday party at our house. Here's Ashley rea...

As some of you may know, my ten year-old Ally has been sick for a few days. Her breathing was so strained today that I decided to take her in to the doctor. I was worried, wanting to get there quickly and I wasn't watching the speedometer. Yep. You guessed it. Two police cars were parked by the side of the road ahead of me and as I came up to them, one of the policeman waved me over quite forcefully. So I pulled over. And I was laughing. You see, I've gone mumble mumble years without ever having a ticket. In my entire life. Never. Ever. Oh, I've deserved plenty. I once ran into the back of a patrolman's vehicle and never even got a warning. (I was in college at the time and the aforementioned officer was young and cute). I have pulled over for a police car when I thought it was me he was after, only to find out it was the guy in front of me. Yes, I've desereved many tickets and I've always laughingly said that I have a natural immunity to the police...

Can someone PUHLEESE tell me why one of my cats enjoys going to the litter box, standing outside of it with his back feet, while he flings litter and doo doo from the box out onto the floor of the laundry room with his front paws? It's driving me insane. I want to hook up a little electric current to zap him each time he does this maneuver of his. Not a big zap. Just a teensy-weensy zip to show him its wrong and I don't want to walk in litter and cat crap in my bare feet anymore!!! And to think, we're about to be gifted with kittens from our female. I was sure she was going to give birth by now, but apparently the little felines need more time in the oven. Her belly is so swollen. ...goes off to clean kitty litter and ick off my floor.....

It must be October, because I've gotten all the boxes down and decorated the house for fall. I love putting up the pumpkins and the leaves and the gourds. I went to the gym this morning and had a wonderful time in the pool. Ahhhh. I'm enjoying that part of losing my job. Not much else though. I had my baby boys back for an overnight and here they are with a breakfast of crepes, strawberries, cream, vanilla and strawberry yogurt, sausages and scrambled eggs. It was a great morning. Then we all cuddled and watched the 176th Semiannual Conference of the Church from Salt Lake City. Wonderful counsel was given and the choirs were amazing as always. It felt good to listen to the Prophet's voice. He's an amazing man. The girls made beds to lay on during the broadcast. Here's Dillon crawling over Lance and Ashley. And Lance cuddling his baby girl. Yesterday my baby girl Ashley Rose had her face painted like a tiger when she was in Steilacoom with Miss Jenny and th...